Counting Birds

Nell: Stop lurking behind me. I know you’re there.

Me: What are you doing out here?

Nell: Counting Birds. It helps to pass the time.

Me: We count sheep.

Nell: That’s far too easy. Birds are more unpredictable and require greater focus.

Me: Not all birds. Flamingos aren’t unpredictable and neither are penguins.

Nell: How do you know? Have you ever counted them?

Me: No.

Nell: Well then.

Me: Have you come to a decision about Strictly? Are you going to be head judge?

Nell: We discussed it at Morning Thoughts and the general consensus was that I would be the perfect animal for the job.

Me: I agree.

Nell: Everyone seems confident that I will be fair and honest with my judging and not swayed by emotional attachments.

Me: Are you talking about Beauregard?

Nell: Certainly not. I was referring to David. My nephew.

Me: Of course.

Nell: And Poppy is like a sister to me.

Me: Poppy?

Nell: Poppy is a professional dancer. Her Paso Doble is renowned all over the world.

Me: Is that the dance with the bullfighter and the cape?

Nell: Yes. Traditionally the man is the bullfighter and the woman is the cape.

Me: I see.

Nell: But that’s not the way Poppy does it.

Me: I’m guessing she’s the bullfighter.

Nell: Correct.

Me: Isn’t she rather small to be a bullfighter?

Nell: There is nothing small about Poppy.

Me: Except for her size.

Nell: Size is relative. Marvin’s friend Rhubarb is an excellent dancer and she’s a Bernese Mountain Dog.

Me: Will she be performing?

Nell: Possibly. Restrictions permitting, as she will have to fly here from Canada.

Me: I wouldn’t have to fly in from anywhere.

Nell: You are not a professional dancer.

Me: Not yet.

Nell: Not ever.

Me: No. Sorry.

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