Don’t stare

Nell: I enjoyed our lunch at The Cottage Hotel.

Me: Yes, but can I point something out please?

Nell: Here we go.

Me: When I asked you a question you gave me one of your looks.

Nell: Did I?

Me: But when Kev started talking, you gazed at him adoringly.

Nell: Talking to Kev is a joy and you can be extremely exasperating.

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: Staring at that Labradoodle’s earrings then asking where they came from.

Me: They looked very similar to Gladys’s missing ones.

Nell: Yes, but you should glance, not stare. Staring is rude and draws attention.

Me: You stare all the time when we’re eating.

Nell: That is entirely different. It’s a Supportive Stare intended to show interest and encouragement.

Me: If you say so.

Nell: Anyway, the Labradoodle explained they were a gift from her husband.

Me: Unless her husband is the thief.

Nell: Do stop. He’s an elderly greyhound enjoying a quiet holiday, not a cat burglar.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: What?

Me: Is that what your Detective Inspector Lionel King is saying?

Nell: He is not my Detective Inspector.

Me: Is Beauregard under suspicion because he’s a cat?

Nell: Beauregard is a tiger.

Me: Or, even worse, is The Cat under suspicion too, because it likes sparkly things? And it’s a cat?

Nell: Nobody is under suspicion. Inspector King is merely investigating reports of unnecessary roaring on Burgh Island.

Me: I don’t think Beauregard has ever been to the island.

Nell: That’s exactly what he told Inspector King. Have you seen my pearls, by the way?

Me: No. Why?

Nell: I’ve been invited to afternoon tea at the Thurlestone Hotel tomorrow and I was going to wear them.

Me: Who by?

Nell: You mean ‘by whom.’

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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