Faking Ignorance

Nell: You are not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: It’s absolutely outrageous.

Me: Has it got something to do with the slippery floor?

Nell: It certainly has.

Me: Only I nearly went flying just now and Manuel can’t get across the kitchen. He just slides around. It’s hilarious.

Nell: Well, Gladys is making the most of it. She’s been Gliding with Alejandro since first thing this morning.

Me: They’re awfully good.

Nell: Who do they think they are? Torvill and Dean?

Me: The llamas cheered.

Nell: What are they doing in the kitchen? I hope they are wearing pyjamas.

Me: Yes, and dressing gowns.

Nell: David and Oliver are to blame for this, you know.

Me: Surely not. I just saw Dave sitting quietly in the yellow chair.

Nell: David is Faking Ignorance.

Me: Are you sure?

Nell: Yes. I know when an animal is pretending. Anyway, Oliver can’t have done this on his own.

Me: Done what?

Nell: Buttered Beauregard’s paws.

Me: Beauregard the tiger?

Nell: How many Beauregards do you know?

Me: Why on earth would they butter a tiger’s paws.

Nell: They want him to stay.

Me: Here?

Nell: Yes. You know you are supposed to butter a cat’s paws if you don’t want them to stray?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Well, that’s what they’ve done.

Me: But Beauregard is a tiger.

Nell: He’s still a cat. Albeit an exceptionally big one.

Me: That’s awfully clever. No wonder my Big Brave Beautiful Boy is looking pleased with himself.

Nell: He has no right to be. The floor is all buttery.

Me: Beauregard didn’t mean to make a mess.

Nell: You won’t mind a buttery bed then.

Me: What?

Nell: That tiger is asleep on your bed. Still think it’s awfully clever?

Me: No. Sorry.

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