On Guard

Me: Harriet seems alert this morning, unlike you.

Nell: What’s that supposed to mean?

Me: You seem perfectly relaxed.

Nell: I am. I just had a delightful piece of hot buttered toast with some of Poppy’s marvellous marmalade and a cup of Earl Grey.

Me: Sounds delicious.

Nell: It was.

Me: So, what did Harriet have? Spicy eggs?

Nell: Spicy eggs? Where did you get that idea from?

Me: She seems a bit on edge and chilli can do that to you.

Nell: Harriet is not on edge. She is On Guard.

Me: I knew something was going on.

Nell: Nothing is going on. Yet.

Me: But it might be?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Please tell me.

Nell: I’m not sure you can be trusted.

Me: I can, Nell. We all can.

Nell: Sally has been in touch.

Me: Well, that’s not terribly exciting. She and Dave are always on WoofsApp.

Nell: Actually Sally has been in touch with Harriet in an official capacity.

Me: As a spy?

Nell: Quiet. Please try to be a little more discreet. Anybody could be listening.

Me: I forgot.

Nell: Sally has reason to believe that The Beefies are planning an attack.

Me: Oh no. Who are they targeting this time?

Nell: Gladys and the llamas.

Me: Gladys and the llamas? That’s awful. Why?

Nell: They mean to disrupt tomorrow’s Maypole Dance.

Me: But they’ve been practising for weeks.

Nell: I know.

Me: They’ve got new hats and The Cat has made ribbons. The Welsh corgi choir are singing.

Nell: I’m afraid several Beefies have been spotted sharpening their beaks.

Me: They’re going to stab the llamas. Poor innocent creatures. Tell Poppy to fetch her sword.

Nell: Calm down. Nobody is stabbing anyone. They are planning to cut the ribbons.

Me: Oh, I see. Sorry.

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