Hit and Miss

Me: Pamela is on the phone.

Nell: Tell her to ring back. I’m resting my eyes.

Me: She sounded agitated.

Nell: Good grief. Give me the phone. ‘Yes, dear. Calm down. He did what? I’ll see what I can do. Talk later.’

Me: What happened?

Nell: It seems the Book a Beefy service is a little hit and miss. With the emphasis on hit in this case.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: After yesterday’s delightful experience with Terry, Pamela decided to Book a Beefy herself.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Her designated delivery Beefy was called Squawk, which should have alerted her at once to be honest.

Me: Was Squawk not up to standard?

Nell: He arrived in a peaked cap with a ring through his beak.

Me: He was probably part of a survey. They ring birds to keep an eye on their habits.

Nell: No. This was a fashion statement.

Me: Each to their own, I suppose.

Nell: Anyway, Pamela wanted to send her friend Dorothy a scarf as she’s been feeling the cold lately. So she packed it up nicely in a little parcel.

Me: Is that Dorothy the red setter?

Nell: Yes, she’s one of the Salcombe setters, but that’s not the point.

Me: No.

Nell: When Dorothy opened her door, Squawk was wearing the scarf and he threw a mackerel at her.

Me: How rude.

Nell: Dorothy squealed in shock.

Me: I don’t blame her. Nobody likes a wet mackerel in the face.

Nell: Quite.

Me: What happened then?

Nell: Squawk said, ‘This is from Pamela’, and threw the scarf at her before flying away.

Me: Well, at least it was delivered.

Nell: It was wet and fishy and gave Dorothy completely the wrong impression. It was supposed to be a gift.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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