Me: Look at my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: David is exhausted. Let him sleep.
Me: Why is he so tired, Nell?
Nell: It’s a very grey Tuesday.
Me: I know it is, but why on earth would that make any difference?
Nell: David is responsible for Keeping Our Spirits Up.
Me: He is?
Nell: Yes. He seems the obvious choice with his counselling skills and his Ask Dave column in the Daily Growl.
Me: Except he doesn’t write it. The Cat does.
Nell: The Cat can’t possibly be responsible for keeping anyone’s spirits up. It doesn’t care.
Me: It must, if it writes the column.
Nell: Have you seen the latest one?
Nell: Anxious Afghan from Aylesbury writes: ‘Dear Dave, my next door neighbour, Russell, is a very rude terrier who keeps leaping on the garden wall and laughing at my long hair. Now I’m afraid to go outside. What can I do?’
Me: What is the advice?
Nell: ‘Dear Anxious, get over yourself. The annoying little thing is just jealous of your luscious locks. The next time it jumps on the wall, push it off.’
Me: That’s not very nice.
Nell: No. Violence is never the answer. David needs to start writing it himself again.
Me: Yes. Why is he so tired, though?
Nell: I think he is feeling a little full after breakfast. He asked Poppy to make us heart shaped toast with our boiled eggs. When she refused, he had to do it by himself, which meant eating the bits left over.
Me: It was a lovely thought.
Nell: Yes, although the pieces of toast were rather small and not particularly heart shaped.
Me: It’s the thought that counts.
Nell: Not when you have nothing to dip in your egg.
Me: No. Sorry.