What are you doing?

Nell: What are you doing?

Me: Don’t give me that look. I’m just taking a few photos of you and Dave to show how big Dave is.

Nell: Everybody knows how big David is. You were up all night again with earache. Go back to bed.

Me: I need to sweep up those leaves.

Nell: Not now, you don’t. Stop being irresponsible and go back inside.

Me: People have been ever so kind, Nell.

Nell: Well, that’s most gratifying.

Me: They’ve given me all sorts of useful advice.

Nell: Good.

Me: Like putting warm buttered toast on my ear.

Nell: Plain toast. Not buttered. Good grief.

Me: It was a bit greasy. Fortunately Dave ate it.

Nell: He’s very helpful like that.

Me: And sticking a hedgehog in your ear.

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: Don’t worry I would never do that to a hedgehog.

Nell: It would never let you.

Me: I love hedgehogs.

Nell: You must keep your distance. Hedgehogs are solitary beings. Greta says they prefer to be alone.

Me: Greta Garbo?

Nell: I don’t know her surname. She’s Dave’s mysterious hedgehog friend. You might have seen them together.

Me: I didn’t know Dave had a mysterious hedgehog friend.

Nell: Well, he does. He and Henry visit her occasionally at the bottom of the garden.

Me: She could easily eat Henry, you know.

Nell: Anyone could easily eat Henry. Don’t worry she much prefers biscuits, or some of The Cat’s food.

Me: Don’t you mean cat food?

Nell: No. I mean fresh fruit salad if you must know, although she rarely refuses a piece of grilled fillet steak if The Cat has some to spare.

Me: Is she going to be in the pantomime?

Nell: Of course not. Hedgehogs don’t do pantomimes. Everyone knows that.

Me: Sorry.

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