Nothing to worry about

Nell: Why are you taking a photo from behind the gate?

Me: It’s an artistic shot.

Nell: Don’t be silly. Leave that to the professionals.

Me: I quite like it.

Nell: Can you just open the gate now, please? I’ve got wet paws.

Me: Yes.

Nell: All is well on the Harriet and Jim front, by the way.

Me: Good.

Nell: She asked Jim about it and he laughed.

Me: Why?

Nell: It wasn’t a flirtation. It was Joan Collie.

Me: Does she have a sister called Jackie?

Nell: How did you know?

Me: A wild guess. Who is Joan Collie?

Nell: She’s old enough to be Jim’s grandmother for a start.

Me: Well, that’s a relief.

Nell: She looks ever so much younger, however, so you can see how the mistake was made.

Me: But why was Jim eating an ice cream with her?

Nell: She invited him. She rather enjoys the company of handsome young hounds.

Me: He could have said no.

Nell: Nobody says no to Joan.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: She is best friends with The Cat. I’m surprised you haven’t bumped in to her before now, actually.

Me: So am I.

Nell: I’ve had some extremely happy French lunches with Joan and The Cat.

Me: What’s a French lunch?

Nell: It always involves champagne.

Me: What fun. I’m surprised the cows didn’t recognise her.

Nell: It wasn’t the cows who saw Jim and Joan. How many cows have you seen down on the Quay?

Me: None to be fair. Who was it then?

Nell: A short sighted antelope with time on its hooves.

Me: I thought you just said antelope.

Nell: I did.

Me: What was it doing on the Quay?

Nell: On holiday I expect. Those antelopes get everywhere.

Me: I see. Sorry.

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