Waiting for Walter

Me: Dave is outside staring at the sky.

Nell: I know.

Me: Yes, but Walter isn’t even there so he can’t be playing Cheeky Animals.

Nell: He isn’t.

Me: You never just tell me, do you? I always have to ask.

Nell: It might be confidential. I’m not like the cows you know. I don’t gossip.

Me: So why is Dave gazing at the sky?

Nell: He’s waiting for news.

Me: Now you’re being really annoying. It could be news about anything.

Nell: Yes, I suppose it could.

Me: News about what?

Nell: The intervention. Benjamin Beefy cannot continue in his present role.

Me: As a travelling salesbird?

Nell: As a Beefy. He needs to become Benjamin Seagull.

Me: I completely agree. If the product was a bit nicer he might have continued but Gull No. 5 smells awful.

Nell: That is not the point. Benjamin is not cut out to be a member of an evil gang. He’s too nice.

Me: Yes, he is. Honestly, when he and Malcolm are together they could be twins. All those ‘Excuse me’s’ and ‘Would you mind’s?’

Nell: Malcolm is a flamingo.

Me: I didn’t mean identical twins.

Nell: Never mind. Anyway, David has taken on the role of Mediator. As the Daily Growl’s new agony uncle he is well placed to give advice.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Walter has kindly agreed to deliver a message to Stephen Seagull asking for a meeting.

Me: A meeting here?

Nell: No. In David’s consulting room.

Me: You mean Kev’s garage.

Nell: Don’t split bears. You know exactly what I mean.

Me: Don’t you mean split hairs?

Nell: Certainly not. What on earth have hares got to do with it? Everyone knows bears like to stay in twos.

Me: I didn’t. Sorry.

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