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David has an ear massage

Me: Have you seen Dave?

Nell: David is upstairs having a morning ear massage with Kev.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Is he stressed?

Nell: He has been a little tense recently waiting to hear who is Handsome Hound 2020.

Me: I think he’s in with a very good chance.

Nell: We all do, but it’s best not to count one’s sausages before they’ve been cooked.

Me: Don’t you mean chickens before they hatch?

Nell: Certainly not. Have you ever tried counting chickens? Wretched creatures never stay still and the shouting. Did you hear them this morning? ‘Another egg. I’ve laid an egg.’

Me: Well, eggs are important at the moment. Did I see PC Amanda Panda coming out of The Barn?

Nell: Yes. It’s those llamas in pyjamas again. Out in threes. Someone reported seeing one going in there.

Me: Was it visiting the larger animals?

Nell: No. It was Alejandro wearing lycra, not pyjamas.

Me: Alpacas and llamas are easily confused.

Nell: They certainly are, and people get them mixed up, too.

Me: That’s what I meant. Never mind. Why was Alejandro wearing lycra?

Nell: ‘Glide with Gladys’.

Me: Of course.

Nell: Anyway, Amanda stayed for a quick scone and a chat while he was there. The larger animals have their own supply.

Me: Social distancing is easier in a barn, I suppose. I was wondering if the distance you have to be from someone depends on their size.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Surely Henry and Horst wouldn’t need to be as far away as Monty because a moose can cough much further than a woodlouse.

Nell: Just stop right there. We are not going to start measuring animals, thank you very much.

Me: I was only thinking.

Nell: Well, don’t.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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