Nell: This is disgraceful. Look at Kev’s sun hat. It’s in tatters.
Me: I know, but it’s a bit funny, too, Nell.
Nell: It is not.
Me: Kev’s laughing.
Nell: Who is responsible for this outrage?
Me: It’s actually Kev’s fault. He left it lying around.
Nell: That does not mean it has to get eaten.
Me: True. I think it was just a simple mistake.
Nell: I have to say that all three of them look guilty.
Me: Yes, they do.
Nell: I am ruling out Poppy. She may have known about it but I doubt she was heavily involved.
Me: Probably not.
Nell: Harriet has a history of eating cushions.
Me: Yes, she does.
Nell: So she’s most certainly on the list of suspects and will be questioned later.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: The animal with the guiltiest face, however, is definitely David.
Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy?
Nell: Guilt is written all over him.
Me: He looks very sorry but then he knows Kev loved that hat.
Me: Isn’t there anyone else?
Nell: Don’t start blaming The Cat, please.
Me: No. That’s old hat. See what I did there?
Nell: Stop. I’m expecting David to make a full confession by the end of the day.
Me: Or the next few minutes.
Nell: There’s only one punishment for this.
Me: No bacon?
Nell: Yes, only cereal for breakfast for the next few days but that’s not enough.
Me: Don’t send him to jail.
Nell: What? No, he will make Kev another one. Bad behaviour comes from Boredom. We need a distraction for idle paws.
Nell: Both David and Harriet will join The Cat’s sewing class. It’s on YouChewed, so can be done anywhere. Jail? Honestly? He only ate a hat.
Me: Yes. Sorry.