Battle ready

Me: I think Dave missed me.

Nell: We all did.

Me: I was only gone one night.

Nell: Yes but David suffers with Separation Anxiety.

Me: He likes everyone to be together. Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: We all do. Henry was most concerned about Horst.

Me: I suppose he would have been.

Nell: Those woodlice are joined at the hip.

Me: Do woodlice have hips?

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: No. I suppose it isn’t.

Nell: An undercover operation like that involving crossing borders and enemy lines is a major undertaking.

Me: He only went to Heathrow on the train.

Nell: Concealed in a shawl. Anything could have happened. You were unaware so you could easily have lost him.

Me: You should have told me he was in my shawl.

Nell: And defeated the point of the whole exercise? No, it was worth the risk. Both Horst and Walter did well.

Me: What information did Horst give Walter about me, anyway?

Nell: Just the usual. ‘Subject ate a hearty dinner including ice cream’. Things like that.

Me: It wasn’t a hearty dinner.

Nell: That’s not the point. Operation Bait the Beefy is ready to go.

Me: How exciting.

Nell: Scarves are knitted and ready for distribution.

Me: Good.

Nell: Bugs are trained and battle ready.

Me: They can’t be expected to fight.

Nell: Some can bite if necessary.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Pigeons are poised to receive and transmit.

Me: I wish they’d stop shouting ‘Work harder, stupid’.

Nell: Yes, that’s annoying. But they can’t start being nice, or they will raise suspicion.

Me: Imagine if you heard them saying ‘Well done, Sweetie’.

Nell: Why on earth would they say that? Pigeons only criticise. Everyone knows that. Honestly I despair of you sometimes. I really do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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