Left Out

Me: Why is Dave cuddling Mutley?

Nell: David is feeling Left Out. Mutley is just feeling tired.

Me: Do you mean left out of Knitwear Wolf’s gang of thieves because that might actually be a good thing?

Nell: Yes. According to Harriet, David needs to be protected.

Me: Dear Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: They are unrepentant by the way. Especially Harriet. She says it is for the greater good.

Me: Maybe it is. So was it them who sheared the sheep?

Nell: No. Jim and the Farm Dogs did the shearing.

Me: But why Bert?

Nell: They knew Bert would be sleepy after his usual cider or two and he needed a good haircut.

Me: Fair enough. Although the pan pipes and the dancing were a bit unnecessary, weren’t they?

Nell: They wanted the publicity.

Me: They did? Why?

Nell: That’s what I said. In fact I think I may have even raised my voice at that point.

Me: I don’t blame you.

Nell: And then I heard someone say ‘If you want to catch a fish you need to bait it’ and in he walked.

Me: Who?

Nell: Knitwear Wolf in a cardigan.

Me: Nobody walks in to a Family Meeting.

Nell: Not unless they are invited.

Me: And was he?

Nell: Yes. By Charlie.

Me: Charlie?

Nell: I didn’t know that at the time of course so I was furious.

Me: I bet you were.

Nell: He looked round the room as cool as a Collie.

Me: You mean cucumber.

Nell: I do not. He spotted Harriet, winked and said ‘Hello, Princess.’

Me: What did Harriet say?

Nell: I’d love to tell you but I’ll be late for my Pilates class.

Me: You can’t do this to me.

Nell: I am never late for Pilates.

Me: No. Sorry.

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