Nell: ‘What do you mean ‘Last seen riding an alpaca’?’
Me: Who are you talking to on your iBone?
Nell: The police. I am reporting Gladys as missing. It’s been 24 hours.
Me: Yes. Dave is ever so worried.
Nell: ‘No. Gladys was not riding the alpaca she was in my handbag. Yes, the alpaca was carrying it. I suppose it is handbag theft but I am more worried about Gladys.’
Me: We don’t actually know she was in there, Nell.
Nell: Of course we do. Her crutches were left on the floor and we haven’t seen her since. ‘Yes, that is correct. The alpaca was wearing sunglasses and a sky blue waistcoat.’
Me: It sounds odd when you say it like that.
Nell: ‘No, it is not a friend of the family. Yes, I realise our family is a little unusual and anything is possible.’
Me: I suppose Gladys might know it.
Nell: David has never seen it before and he and Gladys do everything together. ‘I know alpacas are South American. Maybe it’s here on holiday.’
Me: We do get a lot of holidaymakers in Devon.
Nell: Does anyone know if Gladys speaks Spanish?
Me: Dave says she has basic Spanish after her time as a flamenco dancer on the Costa del Sol.
Nell: ‘Yes. Basic Spanish. She is a black Pomeranian and she’s sprained her ankle. Of course Pomeranians have ankles. She was Kung Fu fighting a flock of Beefies at the time.’
Me: Brave little Gladys.
Nell: ‘Yes. Evil seagulls. Email it over. Goodbye.’
Me: What are they doing?
Nell: They are emailing over a photo of a suspicious alpaca taken near the tennis courts in Kingsbridge yesterday.
Me: I didn’t know alpacas played tennis.
Nell: That’s not the point. Just look at the photo. We might recognise it.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
