Where is Gladys?

Nell: ‘What do you mean ‘Last seen riding an alpaca’?’

Me: Who are you talking to on your iBone?

Nell: The police. I am reporting Gladys as missing. It’s been 24 hours.

Me: Yes. Dave is ever so worried.

Nell: ‘No. Gladys was not riding the alpaca she was in my handbag. Yes, the alpaca was carrying it. I suppose it is handbag theft but I am more worried about Gladys.’

Me: We don’t actually know she was in there, Nell.

Nell: Of course we do. Her crutches were left on the floor and we haven’t seen her since. ‘Yes, that is correct. The alpaca was wearing sunglasses and a sky blue waistcoat.’

Me: It sounds odd when you say it like that.

Nell: ‘No, it is not a friend of the family. Yes, I realise our family is a little unusual and anything is possible.’

Me: I suppose Gladys might know it.

Nell: David has never seen it before and he and Gladys do everything together. ‘I know alpacas are South American. Maybe it’s here on holiday.’

Me: We do get a lot of holidaymakers in Devon.

Nell: Does anyone know if Gladys speaks Spanish?

Me: Dave says she has basic Spanish after her time as a flamenco dancer on the Costa del Sol.

Nell: ‘Yes. Basic Spanish. She is a black Pomeranian and she’s sprained her ankle. Of course Pomeranians have ankles. She was Kung Fu fighting a flock of Beefies at the time.’

Me: Brave little Gladys.

Nell: ‘Yes. Evil seagulls. Email it over. Goodbye.’

Me: What are they doing?

Nell: They are emailing over a photo of a suspicious alpaca taken near the tennis courts in Kingsbridge yesterday.

Me: I didn’t know alpacas played tennis.

Nell: That’s not the point. Just look at the photo. We might recognise it.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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