It’s time to retaliate

Nell: I’m afraid this cannot continue. It is time for us to put a stop to this victimisation. I have called a family meeting.

Me: What’s going on?

Nell: The Beefies have been taunting Malcolm.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: He was happily discussing vegan Christmas alternatives with David’s gardening friend AJ the Afghan in the front garden when a crab and cranberry fish cake was dropped on his head.

Me: How rude.

Nell: By a seagull wearing a long black wig.

Me: The wig they stole from Dave?

Nell: Yes. But it gets much worse.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: A great big Beefy in a souwester hat and wellington boots arrived and started handing out menus.

Me: For their takeaway, or the cafe?

Nell: It doesn’t matter. It barged past AJ, stuck its beak in Malcolm’s face, and said with an evil grin: “We recommend our famous Flamingo Fricassee this Christmas.”

Me: I didn’t know seagulls could grin. How shocking.

Nell: That’s not the point. Malcolm was terrified but the Beefy just laughed in a nasty mocking way.

Me: Yes, I’ve heard them do that.

Nell: Fortunately Poppy saw it all and rushed out with her sword raised.

Me: Good for her.

Nell: Closely followed by David using his big boy’s voice and carrying Gladys in my handbag.

Me: I’m not sure the handbag was a good idea.

Nell: It was then that the Beefy turned on Gladys.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: It brandished a menu in her face and said: “Or you can try Pomeranian pie.”

Me: Now, that does sound evil.

Nell: David swung the handbag and hit the Beefy on the head but it just laughed and flew away.

Me: Maybe Poppy should put seagull sandwiches on the menu at the cafe. That would teach them.

Nell: What are you talking about? I despair of you sometimes. Seagull sandwiches? What a dreadful idea.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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