Nell: I’m afraid this cannot continue. It is time for us to put a stop to this victimisation. I have called a family meeting.
Me: What’s going on?
Nell: The Beefies have been taunting Malcolm.
Me: Oh no.
Nell: He was happily discussing vegan Christmas alternatives with David’s gardening friend AJ the Afghan in the front garden when a crab and cranberry fish cake was dropped on his head.
Me: How rude.
Nell: By a seagull wearing a long black wig.
Me: The wig they stole from Dave?
Nell: Yes. But it gets much worse.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: A great big Beefy in a souwester hat and wellington boots arrived and started handing out menus.
Me: For their takeaway, or the cafe?
Nell: It doesn’t matter. It barged past AJ, stuck its beak in Malcolm’s face, and said with an evil grin: “We recommend our famous Flamingo Fricassee this Christmas.”
Me: I didn’t know seagulls could grin. How shocking.
Nell: That’s not the point. Malcolm was terrified but the Beefy just laughed in a nasty mocking way.
Me: Yes, I’ve heard them do that.
Nell: Fortunately Poppy saw it all and rushed out with her sword raised.
Me: Good for her.
Nell: Closely followed by David using his big boy’s voice and carrying Gladys in my handbag.
Me: I’m not sure the handbag was a good idea.
Nell: It was then that the Beefy turned on Gladys.
Me: Oh no.
Nell: It brandished a menu in her face and said: “Or you can try Pomeranian pie.”
Me: Now, that does sound evil.
Nell: David swung the handbag and hit the Beefy on the head but it just laughed and flew away.
Me: Maybe Poppy should put seagull sandwiches on the menu at the cafe. That would teach them.
Nell: What are you talking about? I despair of you sometimes. Seagull sandwiches? What a dreadful idea.
Me: Yes. Sorry.