Me: What’s the matter with Dave?

Nell: He was dancing the Pasa Doble with Gladys and The Cat until gone 2am and now he is overtired and sulky because I’ve told him to rest.

Me: He won’t like that.

Nell: I’m in two minds about letting him watch Strictly to be honest.

Me: Why?

Nell: He gets inspired. He’s never seen The Matrix so yesterday’s routine was all new to him with the slow motion sequences and the long coat. It was groundbreaking at the time, of course.

Me: I didn’t know you had seen it.

Nell: Keanu and I are very close. He asked me to watch some of his older films and I was happy to oblige.

Me: When was this?

Nell: I was living in L.A. at the time so it’s a few years ago now.

Me: What were you doing there?

Nell: Working for Warner Bros as a buyer. Why all these questions?

Me: Gosh. There is so much I don’t know.

Nell: Ask Poppy. She was out there too as a guest chef with Wolfgang Pug.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. Ron Gilbert and The Cat have resolved their differences, by the way.

Me: Oh good.

Nell: The doors are going to be duck egg blue on one side and turquoise on the other.

Me: I’m not sure about that, Nell.

Nell: It’s the least of our worries. The Cat wants sequinned tablecloths. How are we going to get jam out of those?

Me: I have no idea.

Nell: Did David just walk past us in slow motion wearing a long sequinned coat carrying Gladys in my handbag?

Me: Yes. He’s awfully good. Look at those moves.

Nell: What on earth are you wearing and why are you waving your arms around?

Me: It’s Kev’s long coat. I felt inspired.

Nell: If Mutley comes in here wearing a long black coat I’m going back to bed.

Me: Mutley’s coat is dark blue, actually, but Harriet’s is black.

Nell: That’s it. I’m washing my hands of all of you. Ask Poppy to bring my tea upstairs.

Me: It might take some time as she keeps tripping over her coat. She borrowed it from John.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Sorry.

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