Me: Somebody ate the end of my slipper.
Nell: We are aware and the culprit has confessed.
Me: It’s the second pair. This time it’s the toe and last time it was the heel.
Nell: Yes. The culprit regrets what has happened and will endeavour not to do it again.
Me: It was taken while I was asleep.
Nell: There is no point in dwelling on it. We all need to move on.
Me: It wasn’t you, was it?
Nell: What kind of question is that?
Me: Are you going to tell me who it was?
Nell: There is no need.
Me: You wouldn’t be like this if I ate your slipper.
Nell: True. I would be extremely concerned about your state of mind.
Me: You know what I mean.
Nell: Let’s all move on and put this incident behind us. It was a moment of madness.
Me: I know it was one of the puppies.
Nell: Actually you don’t and they are adolescents.
Me: Mutley would never eat my shoe and neither would Poppy.
Nell: I agree.
Me: Sometimes I think you enjoy annoying me.
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. The matter has been dealt with internally.
Me: I hate not knowing.
Nell: Just rise above it. We have menus to go through with Poppy and The Cat has created a mood board for the cafe.
Me: Just tell me.
Nell: We’ve decided to drop the raisin scones because of the dangers to dogs and I have to call Anton after his sad but justified departure from Strictly. I’m sorry but that woman simply couldn’t dance.
Me: But I need to know.
Nell: Labradors stick together. Pocket money will go towards new slippers. That’s all you need to know.
Me: Yes. Sorry.