Me: The puppies look awfully sad.
Nell: Yes, small portions for them today.
Me: Why?
Nell: Mutley and I were busy talking to Tall Hollywoof at the bakery.
Me: Yes.
Nell: When I heard the sound of munching.
Me: Mice?
Nell: No. Labradors. Eating doughnuts.
Me: Oh dear. Doughnuts are delicious, though.
Nell: That is not the point. It was playing right into Hollywoof’s paws. He left them there on purpose.
Me: As a treat?
Nell: No. He knew they would overindulge. Harriet stopped after three but David must have eaten at least six. They had to lie down with swollen tummies. Completely useless.
Me: Did you find out anything?
Nell: Hollywoof said he and Poppy are just friends and John has no need to get his collar in a twist.
Me: We know that, so why the rumours?
Nell: Well, the interesting thing was during our discussion Prue Beef walked in and guess who was with her?
Me: Sandi and Noel?
Nell: What are you talking about? No. Dominic Simmons. Nasty creature.
Me: Gosh. I bet he was shocked.
Nell: He was. Especially when Mutley raised his head and said: “Have you been spreading rumours, Simmons?”
Me: In his “Pleased to meet you, Mr Bond” voice?
Nell: Exactly.
Me: I wish I’d been there.
Nell: Dominic Simmons turned pale, which is saying something as he is already insipid, and started stuttering so Prue took him away.
Me: What did Hollywoof say?
Nell: He offered Mutley and I a doughnut and said they go well with coffee.
Me: We all know that. He’s keen on sharing his doughnuts, isn’t he?
Nell: Do keep up. It was a veiled threat. He and the Beefies are out to take over Starbarks from the Dobermans. I’m sure of it.
Me: Oh, I see. We are all just pawns in their dastardly game.
Nell: Good grief. Stop getting carried away and go and invite John to lunch. When he and Poppy realise what’s going on I am sure they will be reconciled. In the meantime the Sunday papers and a cup of Earl Grey will do nicely.
Me: You are right. Sorry.
