Me: You look happy.
Nell: I am.
Me: Tell me everything. Where has Rupert been? Did he enjoy the pancakes with maple syrup and crispy bacon?
Nell: I can’t believe you just asked that?
Me: I’m excited.
Nell: You know he enjoyed the pancakes with maple syrup and crispy bacon. You were there.
Me: Oh yes. I was, wasn’t I?
Nell: You were all there when I walked into the kitchen and saw Rupert in his favourite cardigan smiling at me.
Me: And saying ‘Hello, Nelly.’
Nell: It’s my story.
Me: Yes, but it was so romantic. You rushed towards him and he swept you up in his strong paws.
Nell: And promised he’d never worry me like that ever again.
Me: Where was he?
Nell: On Dartmoor. On retreat. He needed time away from it all. With no phones, or internet.
Me: With Timothy?
Nell: Timothy the Turkey?
Me: Timothy regularly goes on retreat.
Nell: Timothy goes away at Christmas, as you well know, for reasons we all understand. Rupert wasn’t with anyone. He was alone.
Me: But he must have known you would worry?
Nell: I’m afraid he wasn’t sure I would even notice he’d gone but when he saw the Missing posters he realised how worried I was and came home.
Me: I see.
Nell: He knew I needed to get my priorities right and him going away was the only solution.
Me: And have you?
Nell: Yes.
Me: I’m so glad he’s home, Nell, and hasn’t been kidnapped by the Mafia.
Nell: What was in your handbag?
Me: The note from Stanley that he left on the spaghetti bolognese. ‘Il lupo sta tornando a casa’.
Nell: ‘The wolf is on his way home.’
Me: Yes.
Nell: Your Italian accent is awful, by the way.
Me: Sorry.
