Nell: What did you just say?
Me: I said Stanley is going to cook an Italian meal for us once a week.
Nell: Once a week?
Me: Yes. It will give the Hoffmanns a well-deserved evening off.
Nell: We’re not going to manage on one small bowl of spaghetti bolognese once a week.
Me: You’ll get at least one bowl each and it won’t always be spaghetti bolognese. Stanley can cook all kinds of different meals.
Nell: This is dreadful news. How am I going to break it to the Spaghetti Bolognese Club?
Me: Do you mean Dave? He’ll understand.
Nell: Nigel isn’t going to take this well either.
Me: Nigel is only here at weekends.
Nell: Exactly. What if he misses Italian night?
Me: He can join in the next time.
Nell: You’re doing this because Stanley is a friend of Lionel’s, aren’t you?
Me: Of course not.
Nell: It’s not his fault Stephen Seagull is his big brother.
Me: I never said it was.
Nell: Or Savoiardi is his godfather.
Me: Godfather? Sponge Finger is Stanley’s godfather?
Nell: Somebody said he might be.
Me: Did they say His godfather or The Godfather?
Nell: I don’t remember. What’s the difference?
Me: Ever heard of the Mafia?
Nell: Here we go.
Me: It’s all making sense now.
Nell: Is it?
Me: I was thinking NOIR but I should have been thinking Mafia.
Nell: I don’t think you should be thinking at all.
Me: Sponge Finger has spread his wings
Nell: Of course he’s spread his wings. He’s a rook.
Me: NOIR wasn’t enough for him.
Nell: Good grief.
Me: Maybe Stanley should cook more than once a week?
Nell: Yes.
Me: Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
Nell: Stanley’s not an enemy.
Me: I’m afraid he is. Sorry.
