Nell: Why weren’t you at Morning Thoughts?
Me: I’m never at Morning Thoughts. It’s my writing time.
Nell: Well, you should have been there today.
Me: Why? Did something important happen?
Nell: Nigel has officially asked to be called Nigel Martin when he’s visiting us here.
Me: How adorable. It shouldn’t be a problem, should it?
Nell: But he’s always here.
Me: No, he isn’t.
Nell: He was here yesterday.
Me: I know. He’s spending a long weekend with us. Charlotte is visiting friends.
Nell: David doesn’t like it.
Me: Dave’s absolutely fine about it.
Nell: He finds Nigel completely exhausting.
Me: No, he doesn’t.
Nell: He’s even started sleeping in two beds.
Me: Who has?
Nell: David. It’s a sign of exasperation.
Me: No. It’s because he’s too big to fit into one.
Nell: I told you those beds were too small.
Me: You have a selection of beds, Nell. Stop moaning.
Nell: And another thing.
Me: What now?
Nell: Nigel has joined the Spaghetti Bolognese Club.
Me: That’s not fair.
Nell: Exactly what I said.
Me: I should be allowed to join before him.
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous.
Me: I love Italian food.
Nell: Yes, but you’re never going to eat it out of a Tupperware container at the Bus Stop even if it does have your name on it.
Me: It had my name on it?
Nell: No, I’m talking hypothetically. Do keep up.
Me: I see. Did it have Nigel’s name on it?
Nell: That’s the troubling thing.
Me: Tell me.
Nell: It did.
Me: Seriously?
Nell: Yes. It said ‘Per favore, condividi questo con Nigel Martin’.
Me: Your Italian accent is becoming rather good.
Nell: That’s not the point.
Me: No, of course not.
Nell: The Italian called him Nigel Martin.
Me: Oh yes. Sorry.
