Me: Wasn’t the weather amazing yesterday?

Nell: Yes, it was lovely.

Me: Nigel and I felt quite hot in Plymouth but we managed to get the car sorted.

Nell: Good. Harriet went for a swim in the river. She had a wonderful time.

Me: Harriet does love the water. Bless her.

Nell: Yes. Kev piled moving boxes on my chair.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: There was nowhere for me to sit in the living room.

Me: He said he moved your dog bed.

Nell: The dining room table is in the kitchen and the kitchen table has gone.

Me: Right.

Nell: There’s no room for dog beds under the dining room table.

Me: I see.

Nell: We dogs sit under the table.

Me: Well, I’m afraid you can’t sit there anymore. You’re going to have to sit next to it.

Nell: Where’s the kitchen table?

Me: We’ve got a kitchen diner in The House on the Corner. We don’t need a kitchen table anymore.

Nell: We liked the kitchen table better than the dining room table.

Me: I know, but the dining room table is a much nicer table.

Nell: I disagree. Nobody cares about our wishes and needs.

Me: That’s not fair.

Nell: We had to stay upstairs all day yesterday.

Me: No, you didn’t.

Nell: And Sunday is the last Sunday Songs here and there’s going to be no roast.

Me: Oh dear. You are feeling a bit grumbly, aren’t you?

Nell: Sunday is also Chris’s birthday.

Me: Yes. I’m hoping we can FaceTime with him.

Nell: I’ve had more than enough of moving house.

Me: I know. Maybe we can go on a lovely walk by the river together this afternoon?

Nell: If we can find the front door.

Me: Only a week to go, Nell. Sorry.

Me: Well, that was an exciting day. I never thought it would involve dashing out to a faraway beach to rescue Nigel.

Nell: Don’t be so dramatic. He was only stuck in a car park with a flat tyre.

Me: Yes, but it wouldn’t pump up and he didn’t have a spare tyre.

Nell: Why didn’t he call the AA?

Me: He’s not with The Automobile Association. He’s with the Royal Automobile Club.

Nell: I meant Animal Assistance. They’re usually very helpful in situations like these.

Me: He called the RAC but they said it would take six hours before someone could be with him so Nigel rang us to come and take him home.

Nell: Thank goodness you and Kev were able to go and rescue him.

Me: Kev said it was nice to sit in the car for an hour instead of packing.

Nell: So what’s happening now?

Me: Nigel and I are driving to Plymouth today to get a new tyre.

Nell: Good grief. You’ve a house to pack up.

Me: Kev will carry on.

Nell: What was Nigel doing at the faraway beach?

Me: Having a pleasant walk and it isn’t faraway from where Nigel lives. You stayed near there with me once.

Nell: Did I?

Me: Yes. You hugged the fire.

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: You lay in front of the fire and nobody could get to it.

Nell: I was probably feeling the cold.

Me: That’s because you decided to go out and splash through puddles in the rain with Scarlett.

Nell: Moving on, if you’re going to Plymouth could you pop into Barks and Spencer and get us some treats?

Me: Good idea. Their sandwiches are delicious.

Nell: We shall be in need of more than a sandwich.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: I can’t believe Dave ate my slipper. He hasn’t done anything like that since he was a puppy.

Nell: It’s the stress of moving.

Me: It might be.

Nell: You were out all day and Kev wasn’t there either, so he probably felt abandoned.

Me: I was only away for a few hours and Kev was clearing the garage.

Nell: Dogs have no concept of time.

Me: You most certainly do. If dinner is even a little bit late you start complaining.

Nell: He’s very sorry.

Me: I know he is.

Nell: He says he won’t do it again but I’d put all footwear right out of the way.

Me: I will.

Nell: He realises it was wrong. It’s all these wretched boxes everywhere and no pictures on the walls.

Me: As soon as we move they’ll all go back. In different places, perhaps, but they will be there.

Nell: I thought you were decluttering?

Me: We’re finding it very hard to throw things away. Kev and I aren’t minimalist sort of people. We like having our things around us.

Nell: As long as those things include us animals, I’m fine with clutter.

Me: You’re not clutter. You’re family.

Nell: I know, but some of the animals are very worried they might end up homeless.

Me: Nobody is going to be homeless. We might not be able to live as closely together, but places will be found for everyone in the village and surroundings.

Nell: Good.

Me: Although, I’m not sure how the village is going to react to two lions and a large tiger moving in.

Nell: The Cat’s organised a luxury tree house for Beauregard, Roary and Mrs King at the stately home.

Me: You could have told me.

Nell: You could have asked.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I’m not entirely sure that you and Dave fully understand what packing up a house actually involves.

Nell: We spend hours monitoring progress.

Me: Sleeping comfortably on the bed, or in the upstairs yellow chair and occasionally waking up and looking around isn’t the same as packing.

Nell: It’s very tiring.

Me: Is it, though?

Nell: Ask the Stuffed Tiger. All it ever does is watch from the top of the wardrobe in a haughty distanced way.

Me: Gosh. I’m glad you reminded me. We need to work out where the Stuffed Tiger is going to go.

Nell: I think it would be happiest staying here on top of the wardrobe. It’s its safe place.

Me: It’s coming with us, Nell, whether you like it or not.

Nell: Henry and Horst made an interesting comment at Morning Thoughts about the Insect Removals.

Me: Insect Removals?

Nell: It’s going to have to be handled sensitively.

Me: I suppose it is.

Nell: Foliage will have to be included.

Me: Can’t they find new foliage in the village?

Nell: They have to get there first. You can’t just throw them in a box like a llama.

Me: I’ve never thrown a llama in a box.

Nell: Well, a llama jumped out of one yesterday afternoon and nearly shocked poor Malcolm to death.

Me: It must have been a really big box.

Nell: Llamas can make themselves very small when they want to and that’s not the point.

Me: I suppose it isn’t.

Nell: Rupert is willing to take the more fragile creatures in his sidecar. He can make several trips.

Me: Are we still talking about insects, or The Cat?

Nell: The Cat has booked an Uber.

Me: We don’t have Uber here.

Nell: Well, it’s booked one.

Me: I see. Sorry.

Me: Am I right in thinking you have extended the exclusion zone beyond the semicircle in the activity field?

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: And that Harriet and Nigel know the password but Dave doesn’t?

Nell: Why would you say such a thing?

Me: Because you stopped Dave from using the whole of the field.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: You made him stay by your side and watch the others having fun from the sidelines.

Nell: What sidelines?

Me: Poor darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: David is a free agent. He can come and go as he pleases.

Me: As long as he knows the password.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: That’s not fair.

Nell: David needs to use his imagination. Shouting ‘Bacon’ at me every time is not going to work.

Me: What about ‘Biscuit’?

Nell: I don’t mind if I do, with a cup of Earl Grey if you would be so kind.

Me: No, as the password?

Nell: You can try it the next time we’re in the field.

Me: I think you change the password all the time.

Nell: Of course I do. It’s the only way to stay safe. Do keep up.

Me: I think being Chief Coordinator of Moving House has gone to your head.

Nell: I need all animals to be password trained before we move. Especially David.

Me: Why?

Nell: The House on the Corner is right on the road with a bus stop on the other side.

Me: I know.

Nell: So David can no longer rush out of the door. Nobody can. It’s far too dangerous.

Me: Yes. It is.

Nell: They must all learn to wait until they are allowed to pass.

Me: Oh, I see what you’re doing now.

Nell: It’s for their own protection.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You know exactly what I want to talk about this morning.

Nell: It’s lovely to see the sun again, isn’t it?

Me: I don’t know why you won’t let anyone into your Semicircle of Power in the activity field.

Nell: The way it lights up the fields is quite extraordinary.

Me: Harriet was so excited and came bounding towards you, but you wouldn’t let her in.

Nell: Sunday Songs is going to be particularly delightful. We shall still need coats and hats but no umbrellas.

Me: I know you can hear me.

Nell: Fine. If you insist on bringing this up again, I will address it.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: If you don’t have the password you’re not coming in. It’s as simple as that.

Me: But nobody knows the password except you.

Nell: Such is life.

Me: I give up.

Nell: Well, you’re not coming in then. Moving on, Herr Hoffmann has declared the next two weeks ‘roastless’.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: There’s no room in the kitchen as most of it has been packed away so he cannot be expected to cook a Sunday roast.

Me: Fair enough. Is it baked beans on toast?

Nell: I’m hoping it will be a little more than that. There has been talk of gravy and mashed potatoes.

Me: I saw Dave with a bacon sandwich just now so at least that’s still happening.

Nell: Only if you move quickly. David was extremely upset to hear about the lack of roast beef and you know he eats even more by mistake when he’s stressed.

Me: True.

Nell: Strange to think there will only be one more Sunday Songs here after this one.

Me: I’m trying not to think about that if I’m honest.

Nell: All will be well.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at the photos our friend Sylvia sent me of young you with Monty and Mutley.

Nell: It’s good to see the two boys again.

Me: Yes, you were about six months old there and not much bigger than Mutley.

Nell: I was very young.

Me: We were running a radio station in Oxfordshire and working with musicians and they gave you one of their guitars to hold.

Nell: I can’t play the guitar.

Me: I know, it was just for fun. They adored you. Everyone does.

Nell: Most kind. It was thoughtful of Nigel to wear a bow tie yesterday.

Me: It was. He looked awfully dashing.

Nell: My friend Dorothy asked me to send her a photo.

Me: Are they still an item?

Nell: That is none of your business.

Me: Just asking. Dorothy wouldn’t want a photo if they weren’t, unless she is pining for him.

Nell: Good grief. Stop turning this into a three act play.

Me: Herr Hoffmann wanted to know if a salady lunch is acceptable as the kitchen is full of boxes.

Nell: I can cope with a cold lunch but I don’t want a cold dinner. It is my birthday weekend.

Me: He’s making goulash for dinner because we can eat it out of bowls in front of the fire if necessary.

Nell: Have we packed the plates?

Me: No. The dining room table is full of boxes.

Nell: We don’t have a dining room.

Me: You know what I mean.

Nell: It seems like everywhere is full of boxes at the moment. There’s no room to breathe.

Me: I know. It’s only for a couple more weeks, Nell.

Nell: Thank goodness.

Me: We could play ‘Pass the Parcel’ later?

Nell: Very funny.

Me: Or ‘Sardines’?

Nell: Enough.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Happy Birthday, Nell. I still can’t believe you’re 13 today.

Nell: You say that about everyone’s birthday every time.

Me: Do I? Anyway, I found some lovely photos. One of you and Kev a few years ago, and one when I first met you and fell in love with you immediately.

Nell: I chose you, by the way.

Me: And another one of you now, looking proud and magnificent, and one of us both on the beach.

Nell: I rather like proud and magnificent. You don’t look like either of those in that hat.

Me: I’ve written you a poem. Would you like me to read it to you?

Nell: It’s not sentimental, is it? I know what you’re like.

Me: It might be a little bit.

Nell: Good grief. Go on.

Me: ‘Once in a blue moon,

So almost quite never, 

Someone enters your life

And changes it for ever.

It’s usually a person 

Of that I am sure,

But in my particular case

It was a black Labrador.

They say some things 

Are meant to be,

And that’s what it was 

With Nell and Me.

And that’s what it is

With Nell and Kev, too

And Harriet and Dave,

And most probably, you.

We love her much more

Than words can say.

Never change darling Nell

And enjoy your birthday.’

Nell: Pass me my handbag, please.

Me: Why?

Nell: I need a handkerchief.

Me: Did you like it?

Nell: Of course I did.

Me: I love you, Nell.

Nell: I know. Now, where’s your hat?

Me: Do I need one already?

Nell: It’s my birthday. Hats must be worn. Cake must be eaten and fun must be had.

Me: I shall do my very best.

Nell: It’s an order, not a suggestion. Hat on.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Can we discuss your recent behaviour on our walk?

Nell: I think it might rain today.

Me: When we stopped for a short break you started grumbling at Kev under your breath.

Nell: The weather forecast suggested scattered showers.

Me: And you carried on grumbling until he stroked you and gave you a biscuit.

Nell: My friend Dorothy suggested a Pre-Birthday Lunch at the Cottage Hotel.

Me: A Pre-Birthday Lunch with Dorothy is a lovely idea.

Nell: I thought so.

Me: Can I come?

Nell: No. You have far too much to do here. It’s only two weeks to Moving Day.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: We can celebrate together tomorrow.

Me: I can’t believe you’ll be 13. It seems only yesterday I brought you home.

Nell: A lot has happened since then.

Me: Yes. Kev and I were only just talking about that. We were looking at our old house in Oxfordshire. It had such a lovely garden.

Nell: Now, I know the garden at The House on the Corner is not much.

Me: It isn’t.

Nell: But we are going to make the most of it with some plant pots and maybe a palm tree.

Me: It’s going to be quite a change.

Nell: And remember there are some lovely country walks just across the road from us.

Me: And a bus stop.

Nell: Buses are very useful things. Alice and the children are very excited about that.

Me: Yes, they are. Kev and I are going to apply for our bus passes.

Nell: Good idea.

Me: Did I tell you Kev is going to make you a chariot out of Jonathan’s old pram?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You can’t walk very far nowadays, Nell.

Nell: Well, thank you very much for that reminder.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Look at my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He’s finding all this packing exhausting.

Nell: You won’t believe what he did last night.

Me: What did he do?

Nell: Didn’t you hear the kerfuffle?

Me: I was so tired I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Did Dave eat something by mistake?

Nell: Just after the Ten O’Clock News David started to walk around the living room with something very small in his mouth.

Me: How did you know it was very small?

Nell: We knew. There was no chewing, and he has a proud way of walking when he’s taken something.

Me: He does. Bless him.

Nell: He also remained tight-lipped even when asked a question.

Me: Oh yes. I’ve seen him do that.

Nell: After repeated requests to spit out whatever he was hiding, Kev had to actually remove it by force.

Me: By force?

Nell: He opened David’s mouth.

Me: And what was it?

Nell: A peanut.

Me: A peanut?

Nell: Yes. David must have found it somewhere.

Me: Why didn’t he tell you?

Nell: He was tight-lipped. He’s always like that when he’s concealing something.

Me: Thank goodness it was a peanut.

Nell: Yes. We were worried it was something dangerous.

Me: I bet you were. Is he sorry?

Nell: Not really. I think he rather enjoyed the whole episode.

Me: Naughty boy.

Nell: All birds and squirrels have been asked to keep their nuts out of the house to avoid repercussions.

Me: What about me? I love a few peanuts with a long cool drink in the evening.

Nell: Are you trying to tell me it was you eating peanuts in the living room yesterday?

Me: It’s my little treat, Nell.

Nell: Well, don’t drop any again.

Me: No. Sorry.