Nell: That’s a very old photo of you and Charlotte.
Me: It’s one of my favourites.
Nell: You don’t look like that now.
Me: She does.
Nell: Just because you look older doesn’t mean you look less gorgeous, you know. Look at me.
Me: That’s true. And Charlotte is definitely as lovely as ever.
Nell: Exactly. Now, come downstairs and deal with Naughty Nigel.
Me: What’s he doing here?
Nell: He’s supposed to be learning a birthday song for Charlotte, but he isn’t focusing.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: He keeps getting distracted, or falling asleep.
Me: How far has he got?
Nell: Not very far.
Me: Can I hear it?
Nell: I’m not going to be singing it.
Me: Just for now.
Nell: Fine. It’s to the tune of that ‘over the sea to Skye’ song.
Me: You mean The Skye Boat Song?
Nell: Whatever.
Me: It’s a bit slow for a birthday song.
Nell: May I continue?
Me: Please do.
Nell: ‘Happy Birthday, dear Mum,
You’re awfully fun
And round as an apple pie.’
Me: I didn’t know apple pies were fun.
Nell: They are with ice cream.
Me: Fair enough, but you might want to take out the ‘round’ part.
Nell: Could I just finish this, please?
Me: Of course.
Nell: ‘Give me a cake
And a nice piece of steak,
And I’ll sing you a song, oh aye.’
Me: Oh aye?
Nell: I didn’t write that. Nigel did.
Me: I see.
Nell: ‘My love for you goes
From my head to my toes,
And all round my lovely tummy.
You are the spark
In this Labrador’s bark
Cos you are my darling mummy.’
Me: Charlotte’s going to love it.
Nell: Let’s make sure Nigel remembers it long enough to sing it to her then.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
