Me: Dave and Harriet are rather thoughtful this morning. What’s bothering them?

Nell: Nobody likes Decluttering and Chris leaves tomorrow.

Me: It’s been a brief but lovely visit.

Nell: It has.

Me: I wish he lived nearer but I know how much he loves Canada.

Nell: And Shannon and Marvin.

Me: Yes, and if he’s happy then I’m happy.

Nell: I’m coming with you to the station tomorrow, in case you were worrying.

Me: Good. Kev’s busy sorting the house out because we have viewings this week so I was taking Chris on my own.

Nell: I was never going to let you do that. I know how much you hate goodbyes.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: So, we had a small crisis this morning but fortunately it’s been averted.

Me: What happened?

Nell: It’s roast beef with all the trimmings for lunch today so Lionel is very busy in the kitchen and can’t perform at Sunday Songs.

Me: I didn’t know he was.

Nell: He was singing ‘Islands in the Stream’ with The Cat.

Me: I didn’t know The Cat could sing.

Nell: It can’t and it isn’t without Lionel. My friend Dorothy has stepped in.

Me: I didn’t know Dorothy could sing

Nell: There’s an awful lot you don’t know.

Me: Is she singing alone?

Nell: Of course not. It’s a duet.

Me: Chris won’t do it, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. Naughty Nigel has agreed in return for a bacon sandwich.

Me: Sounds fair enough. Does he know the song?

Nell: The Welsh Corgi Choir will hum in the background and Gladys and the llamas are performing an interpretive dance, so all should be well.

Me: If you say so.

Nell: I do. Now, let’s enjoy our precious time with Chris.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: David and the Stuffed Tiger would like a word with you, please.

Me: Oh dear, what have I done now?

Nell: There are rumours circling that you have been asked to Declutter.

Me: Yes. The estate agents feel the living room is a little too busy.

Nell: The Stuffed Tiger, in particular, feels that Decluttering might lead to his demise.

Me: Not demise, Nell. He may simply have to be moved.

Nell: He likes it where he is. Behind the yellow chair.

Me: To be honest, the yellow chair might have to be moved, too.

Nell: Have you no thought for the innocent animals who need to rest their weary paws on that chair?

Me: They can use one of the sofas.

Nell: That is not the same and you know it.

Me: What can I do? We love our clutter but other people don’t.

Nell: This is as bad as yesterday’s abandonment.

Me: Abandonment?

Nell: Look at David’s face. It says it all.

Me: Kev and I had an appointment in Totnes.

Nell: You took Chris away from David.

Me: We thought he might enjoy a walk around the town.

Nell: And yesterday evening?

Me: We went to the Church House Inn for an early birthday celebration. Chris invited us.

Nell: Without me?

Me: The walk back is too much for you nowadays.

Nell: Was the dinner good?

Me: It was delicious. We can’t afford to do that anymore so it was a real treat.

Nell: We had leftovers, if you’re interested.

Me: Leftovers can be lovely.

Nell: Lionel doesn’t like anything to go to waste.

Me: Good for him.

Nell: You’re not supposed to celebrate your birthday without us.

Me: I had to. Chris leaves on Monday and my birthday isn’t until 30th. I’ll celebrate again. Sorry.

Nell: That dog looks just like Mutley.

Me: She’s a Patterdale called Sally and she could be Mutley’s sister.

Nell: Where did you meet her?

Me: At the Beachhouse when we went for lunch. She was there with her sister Dora and Kev and I had to go and say hello.

Nell: Did you say lunch?

Me: I did.

Nell: At the Beachhouse without me?

Me: I wasn’t sure if dogs could sit inside and it was quite cold outside.

Nell: Sally was outside.

Me: Yes, but we didn’t know if Charlotte had a warm coat.

Nell: Your sister Charlotte?

Me: Yes, she came to see Chris.

Nell: I go to lunches. It’s part of my privileges as senior animal.

Me: I know, Nell, but you were having your injection later and we didn’t want to tire you out.

Nell: So, now my privileges are going to the vet’s to be weighed and stabbed with a needle?

Me: You went to the farm shop with Chris and Kev later.

Nell: I sat in the cold car.

Me: The puppies didn’t go at all. They just waited at the window for you to come home.

Nell: There’s a new weighing machine at the vets.

Me: That’s nice.

Nell: It’s slippery. Kev had to help me.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I preferred the old one.

Me: I see.

Nell: A public weighing is bad enough without slipping when you get on.

Me: At least Lionel poached you some chicken for your tea.

Nell: What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

Me: How did you know about the fish?

Nell: What fish?

Me: The lovely fresh fish we had at the Beachhouse.

Nell: I didn’t until now. Was it a fish finger sandwich?

Me: Yes.

Nell: My favourite.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: Stop clattering around. Chris is still asleep. He’s exhausted after that long flight.

Me: I had to get up because you disappeared.

Nell: Is this a story you’re writing?

Me: No. It’s real. Your bed was empty.

Nell: Of course it was empty. Your bedroom is freezing. Why did you move my bed upstairs?

Me: After some advice from our dear friend Janet Mason we thought you might be barking at night because you weren’t sure where we were.

Nell: I know exactly where you are.

Me: It’s something that can happen with older dogs. They feel ‘locked in’ and become anxious.

Nell: I felt cold.

Me: Anyway, Kev moved your bed into our room and covered you with a blanket and I tried to keep as quiet as I could all night so as not to wake you.

Nell: You needn’t have bothered. I wasn’t there.

Me: I know that now. I had such a shock when I saw your bed was empty this morning.

Nell: As soon as you all fell asleep I went back downstairs to my other bed in the warm kitchen.

Me: Yes, I realise that now.

Nell: So, kindly let me sleep there, please.

Me: We will. And you can always come upstairs if you need us. No need to bark.

Nell: Thank you. Now, back to yesterday and Chris’s arrival at the station.

Me: It was wonderful. Having him home again is so lovely.

Nell: Yes, it is.

Me: Harriet lost her voice with happiness and my Big Brave Beautiful Boy walked around smiling with a tea towel in his mouth.

Nell: You’d better be talking about David. Remember Chris is your boy, too.

Me: Yes, he is and he’s home.

Nell: Tea and tears again I see.

Me: Happy ones. Sorry.

Me: Chris has landed at Heathrow.

Nell: I know.

Me: Were you tracking his flight, too?

Nell: Of course not. Not all the time, anyway.

Me: Why did you bark at 3am and then at 4:30am and 5:30am?

Nell: Those are very exact times.

Me: I was tracking his flight. Why were you so noisy?

Nell: I was cold.

Me: Kev made a lovely fire and you had your heated blanket.

Nell: I couldn’t sleep and I knew you wouldn’t.

Me: We’re going to be awfully tired today.

Nell: Yes.

Me: I simply couldn’t relax until I knew he was safely back in the UK. Silly isn’t it?

Nell: Not really. I couldn’t settle either. He’s our boy.

Me: He’s going to be 36 in March.

Nell: He’ll always be our boy.

Me: You’re right. Did you see the photo of the grandchildren tobogganing in the snow in Germany?

Nell: Yes. It looked like they were having tremendous fun.

Me: You get real snow over there.

Nell: I think you’ll find a lot of people are experiencing real snow over here, too.

Me: Yes. I meant here where we live. Chris is going to find it quite warm after Toronto.

Nell: Lionel is cooking Swedish meatballs for dinner at Poppy’s suggestion.

Me: With mashed potatoes?

Nell: Yes, and lots of sauce.

Me: It’s one of Chris’s favourite meals.

Nell: Poppy always made it for him.

Me: It’s the first time he’s been home without Poppy here.

Nell: That’s why she suggested meatballs. She wanted him to know she’s still thinking of him.

Me: We live on in family traditions, don’t we?

Nell: And one of ours is you bursting into tears at the station when the train pulls in.

Me: I can’t help it. Sorry.

Nell: No sorries. Not today.

Me: The light was beautiful on our walk, wasn’t it?

Nell: Sunshine is always a blessing.

Me: I expect the grass was a little cold under paw.

Nell: It was, especially in the shadier parts.

Me: It’s a bit like a metaphor for life when you think about it.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Even though it’s cold in the shade you know you will soon be out in the sunshine again.

Nell: And I’m guessing the sunshine is Chris arriving from Toronto tomorrow?

Me: Yes. I can hardly wait. Do you think Lionel would bake him a cake? The scones he made were delicious.

Nell: I’m sure he would. He made some cup cakes for Roary to take to school today.

Me: He really seems to be a changed lion.

Nell: I have to agree.

Me: And it’s all down to Knitwear Wolf giving him a second chance.

Nell: It was more like a fifth chance but fortunately Rupert listens to me.

Me: Have the Beefies been making a nuisance of themselves?

Nell: The odd mackerel has been thrown at The Cat but it’s partial to mackerel so nothing went to waste.

Me: I still think The Cat should apologise for being so rude to Stephen Seagull.

Nell: That’s never going to happen.

Me: Where is Lionel staying, by the way? He can’t be commuting from the island. It’s an awfully long way away.

Nell: The Cat has offered him a room in the Big House.

Me: I suppose a lion is a big cat.

Nell: What on earth has that got to do with it?

Me: Cats stick together. It wouldn’t have offered a room to Stephen Seagull.

Nell: Nobody would offer a room to Stephen Seagull. Honestly, I worry about you sometimes. I really do.

Me: Sorry.

Me: I love the way you dogs make the most of whatever walk we choose.

Nell: Of course we do.

Me: You always enjoy yourselves regardless of the weather.

Nell: I prefer it not to be raining.

Me: Is the walk by the river still your favourite?

Nell: I think it is. The grass is soft under paw and I can always enjoy a good sniffari.

Me: Harriet loves a swim and a roll around.

Nell: She does.

Me: Did I hear Lionel singing in the kitchen?

Nell: You did. He’s making bacon sandwiches for David and anyone else who wants one.

Me: The roast was delicious yesterday.

Nell: It was and he was absolutely delighted that we all enjoyed it.

Me: I have a theory about Lionel.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: I think he just needs to be needed.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: He never really belonged anywhere. He was always on the outside looking in.

Nell: Nobody let him in.

Me: That’s because he was a bad lion. Constantly causing havoc.

Nell: I always knew he wasn’t really bad.

Me: Maybe that’s why he was so focused on you?

Nell: Because I still believed in him?

Me: Yes. He hasn’t won me over yet. One roast isn’t enough.

Nell: He’s going to try and make Poppy’s scones this afternoon. David is lending him her recipe book.

Me: What does Poppy think about that?

Nell: She’s reserving judgement.

Me: Wouldn’t it be lovely if Lionel succeeds and we can enjoy Poppy’s scones again?

Nell: It would.

Me: Chris is arriving from Toronto on Wednesday.

Nell: I know.

Me: Only two more sleeps to go.

Nell: Make sure you sleep tomorrow then and don’t spend the night tracking his flight like you usually do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: This is my favourite way to start a Sunday.

Nell: Lazing around?

Me: Snuggling with you. It’s not something we do often enough.

Nell: Running this family leaves me with very little free time.

Me: Yes. I know you’re a very busy animal, so having this moment together means a lot to me.

Nell: I thought you needed some You and Me Time.

Me: You were right.

Nell: There’s been a development, by the way.

Me: A development?

Nell: The Cat has taken over the kitchen.

Me: The Cat?

Nell: You’re doing that repeating thing again and you know how it annoys me.

Me: I’m a little surprised as The Cat doesn’t cook.

Nell: It does now.

Me: Can’t we wake Herr Hoffmann? I really miss him.

Nell: We’ve just got to hope for warmer weather.

Me: Kev and I saw a tree blossoming on our walk yesterday so maybe spring is on its way?

Nell: I think you’ll find that was an early bloomer. Herr Hoffmann is not going to wake for a while.

Me: What’s The Cat cooking?

Nell: I wouldn’t actually call it cooking. It’s more like putting things in a bowl.

Me: We’re not having salad, are we?

Nell: I’m afraid we are.

Me: Oh dear. I was hoping for a roast.

Nell: Don’t be silly. The Cat doesn’t do roasts. You know that.

Me: I really can’t believe I’m saying this, but do you think Lionel King might help us out?

Nell: That’s what Rupert said.

Me: Did he?

Nell: Yes. In fact he’s on his way to the island right now to talk it through with Lionel.

Me: Great minds think alike.

Nell: It’s the only thing to do. Let’s cuddle here in the warm until Rupert returns with Lionel.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: We have some good news and some bad news today.

Me: But the good news is far more important.

Nell: It is.

Me: We didn’t say anything before now, as we didn’t want to worry anyone until we knew more, but at Harriet’s annual check-up the vet found a suspicious lump.

Nell: She thought it might be cancer so she did a biopsy there and then and sent it away to be checked.

Me: Harriet was showing no signs of illness but we were all understandably worried after losing Poppy.

Nell: Anyway, yesterday the vet called Sara to say the biopsy was clear and showing no signs of cancer.

Me: She wants us to keep a close eye on the lump as it’s where the lymph nodes are, but for now all is well.

Nell: Which is a huge relief, as you can imagine.

Me: Yes. I went off to the gym with a spring in my step.

Nell: You did.

Me: However, when I got back there was some bad news.

Nell: The estate agents called to say the little bungalow we wanted has been sold.

Me: It would have been perfect for us but such is life.

Nell: There will be somewhere else out there for us.

Me: I hope so, and the main thing is that Harriet is okay.

Nell: It’s been a difficult few days.

Me: It has.

Nell: And things are not getting any better as far as the war with the Beefies is concerned.

Me: I wouldn’t call it a war.

Nell: Malcolm had to wear a colander on his head to go out in the garden.

Me: There does seem to be a lot of mackerel flying around.

Nell: The Cat insulted their leader. What else do you expect?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: We live in a beautiful part of the world.

Nell: We do.

Me: I love it here so much. It’s very hard to accept we’re going to have to move soon.

Nell: I think you’ll feel better when we know where we’re going.

Me: I really hope we can get that little bungalow.

Nell: So, do I.

Me: We just need someone to buy our house.

Nell: They will. Try not to worry. Now, we need to talk about The Cat and Stephen Seagull.

Me: Oh yes. I noticed he wasn’t in the kitchen so The Cat must have told him his help was no longer needed.

Nell: It did.

Me: I hope it told him sensitively. I know Stephen is a baddie but baddies still have feelings and his food was delicious.

Nell: It didn’t.

Me: Didn’t what?

Nell: Do it sensitively.

Me: What did it say?

Nell: It pointed at him and said, ‘You’re fired!’

Me: Oh dear. That’s a bit harsh.

Nell: It’s dreadfully rude.

Me: What did Stephen say?

Nell: Nothing. Not even when The Cat said a car was waiting for him outside.

Me: Was it?

Nell: No, but that’s not the point.

Me: Of course not. I just wondered how he got home with his little wheelie case.

Nell: He’s a seagull. He has wings. And he doesn’t have a wheelie case. Good grief.

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: The Cat is not Lord Sugar, even if it thinks it is.

Me: No.

Nell: There are going to be repercussions.

Me: Are the Beefies very angry?

Nell: Walter Pigeon says word on the wing is that the Beefies are gathering.

Me: The Cat should probably lie low until they calm down.

Nell: We should all lie low, if you ask me.

Me: Yes. Sorry.