Me: So, here’s the thing.
Nell: Whatever that means.
Me: Dave likes to lie near you if he can.
Nell: Yes, I know he does. He’s quite needy in that way.
Me: How unkind. He’s a bundle of loveliness and affection. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: If you say so.
Me: But you can be rather standoffish.
Nell: I simply like my own space.
Me: And you hog the whole of the sofa.
Nell: Hog is not a very nice word.
Me: Appropriate then. Anyway, Dave was minding his own business lying quietly on the hard floor next to your comfy sofa when you deliberately pushed a cushion on to his head.
Nell: It didn’t fall on his head.
Me: You were pretending to be asleep but secretly you were planning your attack.
Nell: Stuff and nonsense.
Me: I saw it.
Nell: The cushion had to go. It was in my way. End of story. David just happened to be there.
Me: Fortunately Dave is a caring soul and didn’t take it the wrong way. You woke him up.
Nell: It didn’t bother him at all. He started playing Cheeky Animals with no one in particular.
Me: He was just licking his lips.
Nell: Now, Sunday Songs is dedicated to you today.
Me: How lovely.
Nell: It’s your birthday weekend so you have to be celebrated.
Me: Can I choose the songs?
Nell: Don’t be silly. The songs were chosen weeks ago. These things don’t just happen. The Welsh Corgi Choir have been practising for weeks.
Me: How kind.
Nell: The Cat and its crew have spent hours sewing sequins into those costumes.
Me: What crew?
Nell: Never you mind. And llamas aren’t natural roller skaters. There’s been an awful lot of falling over. Be thankful.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
