Me: You three look rather serious.
Nell: I’m afraid there’s been a complaint.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: Henry and Horst brought it to our attention as representatives from the insect community.
Me: Has an insect been harmed?
Nell: Ringo was nearly drowned and thrown in a hedge.
Me: That’s awful.
Nell: He was minding his own business strolling along the kitchen counter when someone started screaming at him.
Me: That’s not very nice.
Nell: He managed to hide in the sink until Kev turned the tap on and threw him in the hedge.
Me: Kev did?
Me: Kev would never harm any living thing.
Nell: I agree. We’re all shocked.
Me: I think this might be my fault. You know I lived in Africa during the 1990’s?
Nell: I do.
Me: Well, one of the things we had to be most careful about was scorpions.
Nell: Nasty creatures.
Me: I always warned the children not to turn over stones and we had a scorpion in the house one time.
Nell: What has all this got to do with Ringo?
Me: I thought he was a scorpion.
Nell: Ringo is a beetle. Everyone knows that.
Me: But he looks like a scorpion and he waves his tail around like one.
Nell: Good grief. How did Kev get involved?
Me: I rang him in the studio saying I’d seen a frightening creature and he came to my rescue.
Nell: You didn’t need rescuing.
Me: I thought I did. Kev looked everywhere and while he was washing his hands he saw Ringo in the sink.
Nell: I see.
Me: So he fished him out and put him in the hedge.
Nell: This is all down to your vivid imagination.
Me: I know.
Nell: We don’t have scorpions in Devon.