Me: I don’t think Harriet should run off ahead like that.
Nell: Don’t worry. She’s singing ‘Who let the dogs out?’ with extra barking and David’s singing the chorus.
Me: Nevertheless.
Nell: Now, I have Good News and Bad News regarding the snake situation.
Me: Can I have the Good News first, please?
Nell: Beauregard is completely on board with the whole idea of accompanying us to the beach.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: He’s even been practising his most winning Tiger Smile.
Me: Everyone’s going to love that.
Nell: Exactly.
Me: I was joking. A Tiger Smile is terrifying.
Nell: Nonsense.
Me: If this is the Good News I’m not sure I want to hear the Bad News, but tell me.
Nell: Oliver is scared of snakes.
Me: Well, that’s a surprise.
Nell: The moment I mentioned them he keeled over and played dead.
Me: I don’t blame him.
Nell: It was very convincing.
Me: He’s not still playing dead, is he?
Nell: Of course not. The trick is to ignore him and just chat amongst yourselves for a while. He soon stops.
Me: I see.
Nell: Anyway, unfortunately Oliver is about as useful as a leaky bowl.
Me: Don’t you mean chocolate teapot?
Nell: Certainly not. Chocolate teapots are highly dangerous.
Me: What are we going to do?
Nell: Fortunately Beauregard is happy to wear a hat, so Plan B can go ahead.
Me: He’ll still be a tiger even if he’s wearing a hat.
Nell: But a tiger with powerful friends.
Me: Do you mean us?
Nell: No. We’re not riding on his hat.
Me: Who is?
Nell: Henry and Horst. They know how to deal with snakes.
Me: Are you sure?
Nell: It’s Henry and Horst the famous snake charmers we’re talking about here.
Me: Right. Sorry.
