Me: I can’t believe my niece Scarlett is 18 today.
Nell: Yes.
Me: It seems only yesterday she was just a little girl.
Nell: She’s been taller than you for 10 years.
Me: Don’t exaggerate. It’s more like 6.
Nell: Anyway, Naughty Nigel asked me to read a poem.
Me: How lovely.
Nell: Would you like to hear it?
Me: I would indeed.
Nell: ‘It’s Nigel here and I’d like to say
That a really cool girl turned 18 today.’
Me: Are you rapping?
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous.
Me: It sounds like you are.
Nell: Can I just read this, please?
Me: Of course.
Nell: ‘That girl is you, Scarlett and you’re so fine
I’m proud to say that you are mine.’
Me: I don’t think she is just Nigel’s.
Nell: Poetic licence. May I continue?
Me: Yes.
Nell: ‘My brother Boo, and me and I
And brother Seamus in the sky,
Who’s looking down with Ganning too,
Who’s always watching over you,
We need you to know you’re greatly loved
By your family down here and up above.
Even by Xav
That wretched cat
Who’s getting lazy
And rather fat’
Me: That’s a bit rude.
Nell: Xav can take it.
Me: True.
Nell: ‘But nobody more than your darling mother.’
Me: Absolutely.
Nell: Stop interrupting. It’s Nigel’s poem.
Me: Yes. I forgot.
Nell: ‘Who loves you more than any other.
To the moon and back
And twice round the sun
Which is mad to be frank
And shouldn’t be done.
Happy Birthday dear Scarlett
Please know this is true
We’re so glad to be celebrating
18 years with you.’
Me: Perfect.
Nell: Did I just see several llamas go past carrying Gladys in my handbag?
Me: You might have done.
Nell: Was she wearing my hat?
Me: Yes. Sorry.
