Cardigan, or Cowboy Hat?

Me: The way I see it, Nell, is you are caught between a wolf and a lion.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: On the one hand there is handsome, reliable Rupert Knitwear Wolf and on the other, handsome, unreliable, bad boy Lionel King.

Nell: I’m not caught anywhere, thank you very much. I am my own Labrador.

Me: Even though you know the sensible choice is the safe one, you’re still drawn to the excitement of the risky one.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: There you sit. Outwardly calm, but inside wrestling with your feelings and the decision you have to make.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: It’s exhausting.

Nell: You’re telling me. I’m exhausted just listening to you.

Me: Maybe we should put it to the vote?

Nell; I beg your pardon?

Me: Rupert, or Lionel?

Nell: Unbelievable.

Me: Cardigan, or cowboy hat?

Nell: Stop.

Me: The cardigans are going to win. I’m sure of it.

Nell: Nobody is going to win because there’s not going to be a vote.

Me: Let’s wait and see.

Nell: If there are any choices to be made then I will make them. Alone.

Me: You wouldn’t like it if I did that.

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: You always want me to discuss my choices with you.

Nell: That’s because you are a hopeless romantic with far too much imagination for your own good and a very loose grip on reality.

Me: Rubbish.

Nell: If you didn’t have my sensible advice to rely on I dread to think what you would do next.

Me: We could offer voters the option of wearing a cardigan, or a cowboy hat.

Nell: And those on the fence would wear both, I suppose?

Me: Are we talking birds here, or the undecided?

Nell: Enough.

Me: Sorry.

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