Opting Out

Me: Something has upset Dave. He was opting out with his whole self last night.

Nell: What do you mean ‘with his whole self’?

Me: It wasn’t a half hearted kind of opt out, Nell. It was a proper one.

Nell: The tortoise might have said something.

Me: Is it still here?

Nell: Yes. Is that a problem?

Me: It is if my Big Brave Beautiful Boy is going to be upset.

Nell: The tortoise speaks its mind. It’s a straight talker.

Me: What did it say?

Nell: Well, you remember Manuel tried to Riverdance with the Welsh corgi choir yesterday?

Me: Yes, I knew he’d get his tentacles tangled. It was a foregone conclusion.

Nell: Anyway, David decided to make Manuel laugh by doing the Riverdance himself.

Me: He’s such a caring boy.

Nell: And the tortoise might have said dancing isn’t really for the larger animal and maybe he should slow down on the bacon sandwiches.

Me: Slow down on the bacon sandwiches?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Not for the larger animal?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Have you seen the amount of lettuce that tortoise eats? It’s always chewing.

Nell: Tortoises eat slowly.

Me: I’d like to see it try and Riverdance.

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: No wonder Dave is opting out. Just imagine if the tortoise said Earl Grey was only for show-offs and everyone should drink Builder’s tea.

Nell: It wouldn’t say that.

Me: Or, senior Labradors should leave the decision making to the young.

Nell: It wouldn’t dare.

Me: Are you sure about that?

Nell: Anyway, I’ve decided on bacon sandwiches for breakfast and I’m asking David to join me.

Me: Will you be performing a Riverdance?

Nell: No, but I shall be enjoying a cup of Earl Grey and cheering David on.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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