Me: Something has upset Dave. He was opting out with his whole self last night.
Nell: What do you mean ‘with his whole self’?
Me: It wasn’t a half hearted kind of opt out, Nell. It was a proper one.
Nell: The tortoise might have said something.
Me: Is it still here?
Nell: Yes. Is that a problem?
Me: It is if my Big Brave Beautiful Boy is going to be upset.
Nell: The tortoise speaks its mind. It’s a straight talker.
Me: What did it say?
Nell: Well, you remember Manuel tried to Riverdance with the Welsh corgi choir yesterday?
Me: Yes, I knew he’d get his tentacles tangled. It was a foregone conclusion.
Nell: Anyway, David decided to make Manuel laugh by doing the Riverdance himself.
Me: He’s such a caring boy.
Nell: And the tortoise might have said dancing isn’t really for the larger animal and maybe he should slow down on the bacon sandwiches.
Me: Slow down on the bacon sandwiches?
Me: Not for the larger animal?
Me: Have you seen the amount of lettuce that tortoise eats? It’s always chewing.
Nell: Tortoises eat slowly.
Me: I’d like to see it try and Riverdance.
Nell: Don’t be silly.
Me: No wonder Dave is opting out. Just imagine if the tortoise said Earl Grey was only for show-offs and everyone should drink Builder’s tea.
Nell: It wouldn’t say that.
Me: Or, senior Labradors should leave the decision making to the young.
Nell: It wouldn’t dare.
Me: Are you sure about that?
Nell: Anyway, I’ve decided on bacon sandwiches for breakfast and I’m asking David to join me.
Me: Will you be performing a Riverdance?
Nell: No, but I shall be enjoying a cup of Earl Grey and cheering David on.
Me: Yes. Sorry.