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Why aren’t you wearing a hat?

Nell: Why aren’t you wearing a wide brimmed hat?

Me: I’m inside, Nell. There’s no risk of me looking up at the sky.

Nell: Your desk is by the window.

Me: I know but I’ve got my Wednesday Writers workshop. I can’t sit through a zoom session in a sombrero.

Nell: If you suddenly start singing ‘You’re the One that I Want’ you only have yourself to blame.

Me: I’m prepared to risk that.

Nell: On your head be it.

Me: I don’t want anything on my head.

Nell: You know what I mean.

Me: Yes.

Nell: If a seagull in a cowboy hat peers through the window just ignore it and look away.

Me: Will do.

Nell: And if a lion in a cowboy hat comes into the room and tries to engage you in conversation take no notice of it.

Me: What if it won’t listen?

Nell: Wave it away with a dismissive gesture.

Me: Like getting rid of an annoying fly?

Nell: Exactly.

Me: This all seems rather drastic for a bit of singing.

Nell: It isn’t just the singing. It’s the fact you can’t control it. I was in the queue at Barks and Spencer this morning waiting to pay when I started singing ‘Hopelessly Devoted To You.’

Me: Awkward.

Nell: The Jack Russell terrier in front of me in a bow tie and bowler hat was most disconcerted.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And his wife was absolutely furious. She was one of those highly strung poodles with a pink perm.

Me: It’s not really surprising. I mean you don’t expect some random Labrador to start singing love songs to your husband.

Nell: Especially in Barks and Spencer.

Me: Quite.

Nell: I am not some random Labrador, by the way.

Me: No. Of course not. Sorry.

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