Nell: Why aren’t you wearing a wide brimmed hat?
Me: I’m inside, Nell. There’s no risk of me looking up at the sky.
Nell: Your desk is by the window.
Me: I know but I’ve got my Wednesday Writers workshop. I can’t sit through a zoom session in a sombrero.
Nell: If you suddenly start singing ‘You’re the One that I Want’ you only have yourself to blame.
Me: I’m prepared to risk that.
Nell: On your head be it.
Me: I don’t want anything on my head.
Nell: You know what I mean.
Me: Yes.
Nell: If a seagull in a cowboy hat peers through the window just ignore it and look away.
Me: Will do.
Nell: And if a lion in a cowboy hat comes into the room and tries to engage you in conversation take no notice of it.
Me: What if it won’t listen?
Nell: Wave it away with a dismissive gesture.
Me: Like getting rid of an annoying fly?
Nell: Exactly.
Me: This all seems rather drastic for a bit of singing.
Nell: It isn’t just the singing. It’s the fact you can’t control it. I was in the queue at Barks and Spencer this morning waiting to pay when I started singing ‘Hopelessly Devoted To You.’
Me: Awkward.
Nell: The Jack Russell terrier in front of me in a bow tie and bowler hat was most disconcerted.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: And his wife was absolutely furious. She was one of those highly strung poodles with a pink perm.
Me: It’s not really surprising. I mean you don’t expect some random Labrador to start singing love songs to your husband.
Nell: Especially in Barks and Spencer.
Me: Quite.
Nell: I am not some random Labrador, by the way.
Me: No. Of course not. Sorry.
