The right hat

Nell: David’s top hat is perfect but I’m not at all sure about Harriet’s.

Me: Neither am I. The shape is all wrong on her. What was The Cat thinking?

Nell: I don’t know. It seemed rather distracted. Something about a lion in the orchard. Made no sense to me.

Me: Couldn’t Harriet wear her tiara?

Nell: Tiaras aren’t suitable for afternoon tea. Even with The Queen.

Me: I suppose not.

Nell: If we were having cocktails we might consider it.

Me: Maybe you are. The Queen might fancy a Cosmopolitan.

Nell: If The Queen was having anything it would be a small sherry. Richly deserved.

Me: She might want something different.

Nell: Nonsense. It will be delicate cups of Earl Grey tea accompanied by finger sandwiches, crusts off, scones, small iced cakes and perhaps a slice of Poppy’s cake if Her Majesty feels so inclined.

Me: What is Poppy’s cake?

Nell: No idea. She is keeping it a secret. It’s extremely large. That much I do know.

Me: Several tiers I expect.

Nell: Oceans of them from Gladys when she heard she isn’t coming with us.

Me: I was talking about layers of cake.

Nell: And I was talking about Gladys. Why bring cake into it?

Me: Never mind.

Nell: Why are you wearing a dress by the way? It’s Wednesday.

Me: It’s my Wednesday Writers’ Christmas Lunch.

Nell: That’s nice. Where are you going?

Me: The Cottage Hotel in Hope Cove.

Nell: Excellent. I’ll fetch my hat.

Me: I’m afraid it’s no dogs in the dining room.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I don’t make the rules.

Nell: So, I’m not allowed in the dining room but I am allowed to take tea with The Queen at Windsor Castle?

Me: Yes. It’s a funny old world. Sorry.

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