Me: Why are you looking at me like that?

Nell: When were you going to tell me?

Me: Tell you what?

Nell: That I was going to be put in that box full of water again and made to walk for hours.

Me: It wasn’t hours, Nell. It was your hydrotherapy and Chloe gave you a lovely massage.

Nell: It doesn’t feel that lovely this morning.

Me: You’re just a bit achy. Chloe says you have to lose weight.

Nell: I know. I was there when she told Kev.

Me: Poppy knows all about it, so there aren’t going to be any scones, or bacon sandwiches for a while, just lots of vegetables and fresh fruit.

Nell: Fresh fruit? I suppose I could manage a little apple crumble with custard, or cream.

Me: No crumble, Nell, and definitely no cream.

Nell: If you think I am going to stand by and nibble on a carrot while everyone else wallows in cake and trifle, then you are sadly mistaken?

Me: Trifle? We haven’t had trifle in ages.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: We’re all going to try and eat healthily.

Nell: David is never going to survive without bacon.

Me: Let’s see, shall we? How about joining in this morning’s Glide with Gladys?

Nell: Do I look like I want to be gliding anywhere?

Me: You will be pleased when you’ve done it. The llamas are in fine form today. They have colourful umbrellas and Wellington boots.

Nell: So, instead of settling down in front of the fire to watch Saturday Kitchen with a cup of Earl Grey and a shortbread biscuit, you think I’m going to put on lycra and start leaping around in the rain with umbrella wielding llamas?

Me: Yes.

Nell: It is never going to happen.

Me: No. Sorry.

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