Nell: That’s Harriet’s guilty look. What did she do?
Me: She made a nest with my freshly changed bed. There were pillows everywhere.
Nell: You can’t blame her for that. Pillows need fluffing. Everyone knows that.
Me: That wasn’t fluffing, Nell. That was throwing around recklessly.
Nell: Potato, Potahto.
Me: Anyway, she’s forgiven. Nobody can resist that darling little face.
Nell: I know. Harriet’s guilty face is famous in dog circles. Textbook performance.
Me: It’s not a performance, Nell. Harriet is genuinely sorry.
Nell: Of course she is. Now, did you hear the Beefies this morning?
Me: Yes. They were shouting ‘Snow! Snow!’ It’s not cold enough.
Nell: They were talking about Poppy.
Me: Poppy?
Nell: Yes. The Evil Mrs Poppy Snow. Since the pantomime Poppy has become a huge celebrity. The wretched creatures are flocking here to catch a glimpse of her.
Me: What does Poppy think about it?
Nell: She loves it. Every now and then she pops out of the kitchen into the garden, waves her sword and they all cheer.
Me: Gosh.
Nell: And they’re not throwing mackerel.
Me: Really?
Nell: No. It’s sea bass.
Me: I love sea bass.
Nell: So does Poppy. We’ve got more sea bass flying around than the local fishmonger.
Me: Sea bass for dinner then?
Nell: Actually it’s spaghetti bolognese.
Me: Why?
Nell: Olive the Other Reindeer has got friends over again and everyone knows how much reindeer enjoy spaghetti.
Me: I thought they liked carrots.
Nell: A good bowl of pasta will help build up their strength before the Christmas rush.
Me: Maybe we should put out a bowl of pasta instead of a carrot on Christmas Eve?
Nell: Don’t be silly. Pasta’s not portable. How is Santa going to take that back to the sleigh?
Me: Yes. Sorry.
