Nell: Could you ask those corgis to sing quietly please?

Me: Are you feeling a little delicate after yesterday’s celebrations?

Nell: Poppy and I have been learning about trains with Jonathan and Faye since first thing this morning.

Me: Poppy seems really interested. Maybe she is thinking of driving a train.

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. Poppy is a helicopter pilot.

Me: I know, but she likes a challenge.

Nell: Well, I know far more about trains now than I ever wanted to.

Me: Jonathan loves them.

Nell: Do you think you could bring me a cup of Earl Grey and a thin slice of toast, lightly buttered?

Me: Marmalade?

Nell: Just a small amount and crusts off, please. I can’t deal with crusts today.

Me: What about penguins?

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: Can you deal with our penguin?

Nell: I wish you would stop calling it our penguin. It’s an independent creature. Why would I have to deal with it?

Me: It’s been posting videos on Instagram and it wants you to see your Birthday one before it disappears.

Nell: Why would it disappear?

Me: They only stay on for 24 hours.

Nell: That’s ridiculous. Why go to all that trouble?

Me: It’s the way things are done nowadays. Here today. Gone tomorrow. You have to go with the times.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: You know we’ve been asked to grow our Instagram following?

Nell: Yes.

Me: The penguin is helping us do that by filming. Dave was just filmed eating Joyce’s bacon sandwich by mistake.

Nell: How very naughty.

Me: Joyce left it on the table so he thought it was going spare.

Nell: The penguin should have stopped him.

Me: Nothing comes between a penguin and its art.

Nell: I can’t believe you just said that.

Me: Sorry.

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