Me: Is there any news from Dartmoor?
Nell: I am waiting for Poppy to call me back. There was an incident during breakfast at the hotel and she had to go and deal with it.
Me: What happened?
Nell: David ate the bacon by mistake.
Me: Easily done.
Nell: It was a buffet. It was everybody’s bacon.
Me: Oh dear. Were they very angry?
Nell: Let’s just say it’s fortunate that Poppy had her sword.
Me: Oh no.
Nell: People feel very strongly about bacon when they are on holiday.
Me: Yes, they do.
Nell: Apparently voices were raised.
Me: What is Poppy going to do?
Nell: She’s in their kitchen making bacon sandwiches while Gladys entertains guests with a contemporary dance and Alejandro shakes his maracas.
Me: I didn’t know he had any.
Nell: Yes, he takes them everywhere. In the meantime David is writing a letter of apology.
Me: Is it all going well otherwise?
Nell: Susan and Henry have arrived at Beefy Mansion and are waiting to connect with Horst.
Me: How are they going to do that?
Nell: Susan will admire Sven Gully’s knitwear and when she is next to him Horst can leap into her feathers.
Me: I didn’t know woodlice could leap.
Nell: They are excellent leapers. They never do it when someone is looking but you would be amazed.
Me: I am amazed.
Nell: There is much more to a woodlouse than meets the eye.
Me: Yes. I’m learning that.
Nell: Did my iBone just ting?
Me: Yes.
Nell: It’s a message on WoofsApp from Poppy.
Me: What does it say?
Nell: ‘Bacon sandwiches going down well.’
Me: That’s a relief. Anything else?
Nell: ‘Gladys and Alejandro receive standing ovation.’
Me: Seriously?
Nell: Of course. Have you seen Gladys dance?
Me: Yes. Sorry.
