Network news

Nell: Have David and Harriet returned from their patrol?

Me: They are both in the top garden. Harriet is looking alert and Dave is looking at me.

Nell: You are holding a piece of toast. Why aren’t you wearing your hard hat?

Me: I’m in the kitchen. What’s going on?

Nell: Malcolm says KSN is reporting that a group of Beefies are heading this way.

Me: What is KSN?

Nell: Kind Seagull Network. The TV channel. Do keep up.

Me: I didn’t know there was one.

Nell: You’ll be telling me you haven’t heard of CNN next.

Me: Of course I have. Everyone knows CNN.

Nell: Good. Actually, Canine News Network approached me recently with an offer of my own show.

Me: Canine News Network?

Nell: You’re repeating everything I say again. Do stop. Yes. A talk show. I decided against it.

Me: You would have been marvellous.

Nell: Perhaps, but it would have meant a move to London and I have Charlie’s declining health to consider.

Me: Yes. And me. I couldn’t possibly manage without you.

Nell: True. The mere thought. Anyway, KSN is keeping everyone informed. The Beefies are giving seagulls a bad name and they want to redress the balance.

Me: Good for them.

Nell: Unfortunately the BBC is fighting back.

Me: I’m surprised. The BBC is renowned for its unbiased reporting.

Nell: The Beefy Broadcasting Corporation? It doesn’t even know what unbiased means. Good grief. What are you talking about?

Me: I might need a lie down.

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. You only just got up and you need to sort out a hard hat for Chris. We are expecting an attack at any time.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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