Nell: Are Kev and David on the same page?

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: They’re looking in different directions.

Me: They’re checking the crops.

Nell: Are they?

Me: Yes, it’s part of their routine. They find it fascinating.

Nell: What about Harriet?

Me: She isn’t too bothered. She just loves to run.

Nell: Until she doesn’t.

Me: Then she rolls on her back in the grass.

Nell: I find it’s always good to have a little break now and again.

Me: I agree. How was your walk in the park with Charlie?

Nell: Delightful. We sat in the shade of a big oak tree and put your world to rights.

Me: You have trees?

Nell: We have everything.

Me: How was the skateboarding?

Nell: Poppy says Mutley was too reckless and she’s not taking him with her again.

Me: I find that very hard to believe.

Nell: Mutley has become quite the thrill-seeker since he became a Guardian.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: It’s Monday so what are the plans for today?

Me: I’m not a fan of Mondays, as you know, but this one is quite busy.

Nell: Why?

Me: Everyone seems to have lots to do.

Nell: What?

Me: I’m going to the gym.

Nell: Madness.

Me: For my aqua class.

Nell: Fine.

Me: Kev’s got lots of appointments in town.

Nell: Ok.

Me: Dave and Harriet are going to be busy Waiting.

Nell: For you to come back?

Me: Yes. Herr Hoffmann’s making lunch with Malcolm and Manuel.

Nell: Another salad?

Me: Tuna pasta.

Nell: I like that.

Me: I remember. And Knitwear Wolf’s doing A Popsicle Run.

Nell: A Popsicle Run?

Me: Yes. Ice lollies for the dehydrated seagulls.

Nell: You know there will be hidden Beefies amongst them, don’t you?

Me: Dehydrated is dehydrated, Nell. Sorry.

Me: Nigel’s a handsome hound isn’t he?

Nell: Is that David’s paw?

Me: Yes, Dave and I were sitting in my chair and he didn’t want Nigel to come too close.

Nell: I sympathise. Nigel is not very good at respecting one’s private space.

Me: He likes to give Dave a big kiss now and again but Dave doesn’t like it.

Nell: I don’t blame him.

Me: Didn’t Nigel try and kiss you one time?

Nell: Yes. It never happened again.

Me: Probably because you growled or barked if he came anywhere near you.

Nell: Can you blame me?

Me: He was being friendly, Nell.

Nell: You can’t just kiss another animal.

Me: No. You’re right.

Nell: So, what are your plans today?

Me: Sunday Songs and a roast as usual. What about you?

Nell: Poppy’s roasting a chicken with all the trimmings for lunch and then Charlie and I are going to take a quiet stroll in the park.

Me: You have parks?

Nell: Mutley and Poppy are going skateboarding later.

Me: Really?

Nell: Mutley loves it.

Me: Whatever next?

Nell: We went to the cinema yesterday.

Me: I love to hear about all the things you Guardians get up to, Nell. I find it really comforting.

Nell: I know.

Me: Henry and Horst say the Beefies have put the Grockles attacks on hold.

Nell: Why?

Me: Heat exhaustion.

Nell: Really?

Me: Several Beefies collapsed and couldn’t fly home. I feel quite sorry for them.

Nell: It’s a trick.

Me: I even suggested to Rupert that he could bring them some ice lollies on his rounds.

Nell: Canadians call them popsicles. Did he agree?

Me: He said if he saw a dehydrated seagull he would offer them one.

Nell: If they attack Rupert it’ll be your fault.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I see Nigel is visiting.

Me: He popped in for Lasagne.

Nell: For breakfast?

Me: No, yesterday evening. Stanley cooked.

Nell: Oh yes. Did the evening go well?

Me: It was great fun. Rupert and Myfanwy joined us with some of the Welsh Corgi Choir and we had a lovely singalong.

Nell: Singalong?

Me: Lionel King was on good form and even sang ‘That’s Amore’ with Dave.

Nell: Was his mane still matted?

Me: No, washed and brushed.

Nell: Good, and Rupert?

Me: Rupert’s a wolf, Nell. He doesn’t have a mane.

Nell: How was he?

Me: Reassuringly Rupert with a touch of sadness.

Nell: He’s still missing me.

Me: We’re all missing you.

Nell: You look dreadful, by the way. What’s wrong?

Me: I had a bad night with a sore throat.

Nell: I hope you’re not unwell.

Me: I think it’s hay fever. The pollen count is very high again today.

Nell: Best to stay inside.

Me: I know. I can’t be in the sun anyway.

Nell: So what are your plans?

Me: Well, England are playing this evening so we’re going to watch the match together.

Nell: So are we.

Me: Good. I like to think of you cheering them on.

Nell: Poppy’s been practising her football skills with Mutley since first thing this morning.

Me: With Mutley? He’s an elderly Patterdale.

Nell: Age has no meaning up here. She’s put him in goal.

Me: Wouldn’t Charlie be better in goal? He’s a German Shepherd.

Nell: Charlie prefers cricket. What’s for dinner?

Me: Hot dogs. The perfect accompaniment to a game of football.

Nell: The match doesn’t start until 10pm your time.

Me: We’ll have a late dinner.

Nell: You’ll have two dinners. There’s no way David can wait until 10pm to eat.

Me: True. Sorry.

Nell: How are you all today?

Me: Much better. The weather has finally cooled down after the storm. Thank Goodness.

Nell: It was quite something according to the Weather Guardians.

Me: Yes. Kev took Dave and Harriet out in the evening for some Storm Watching.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Dave was particularly fascinated by the dark clouds gathering.

Nell: I don’t want my Puppies out in a storm.

Me: They weren’t, Nell. As soon as Kev thought it might be coming nearer he took them home.

Nell: I’m glad to hear it.

Me: He couldn’t take them out until later because it was far too hot.

Nell: Were they frightened of the thunder and lightning?

Me: There were a few barks but nothing much. Fortunately none of you have ever been that bothered.

Nell: Yes, I never really minded thunderstorms.

Me: You didn’t. Gosh, I just had a Missing Nell Moment.

Nell: What’s that?

Me: Both Kev and I have them. You get a sudden tremendous feeling of loss.

Nell: I understand.

Me: You learn to deal with it but it still hurts.

Nell: It does. But I’m always with you.

Me: I know.

Nell: So, what are your plans this weekend?

Me: Well, Nigel and Charlotte are coming over and we’re probably going to change the Spaghetti Bolognese into a Lasagne.

Nell: Why?

Me: Stanley suggested it, actually. It’s easier to freeze if there are any leftovers.

Nell: Leftovers?

Me: Yes.

Nell: What are you talking about? You have David. There will never be any leftovers.

Me: True.

Nell: Is Lionel King still invited?

Me: Of course.

Nell: I hope he wasn’t scared of the thunderstorm yesterday.

Me: Scared? Surely not. He’s a lion.

Nell: A lion with Feelings and a matted mane.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: It’s so hot, Nell. You wouldn’t believe it.

Nell: That’s the village pub garden.

Me: We cancelled Stanley and popped over to the pub for dinner and sat outside.

Nell: When I told you to keep hydrated I didn’t mean downing a few pints at the pub.

Me: I had a tonic water.

Nell: Likely story.

Me: I did. It was too hot to have a real drink.

Nell: What about the Puppies?

Me: Dave and Harriet don’t drink.

Nell: Did you take them with you?

Me: We talked about it but we thought it was still far too hot and they were better off at home.

Nell: I used to go everywhere with you.

Me: I know you did.

Nell: Many’s the time I enjoyed a prawn sandwich at The Cottage Hotel.

Me: Happy memories.

Nell: So, how are the Puppies coping with this heat?

Me: They don’t like it at all. We’ve set up fans everywhere with a bowl of ice in front of them and we keep refilling their water bowls with fresh, cold water.

Nell: Good.

Me: And I’ve been cooling their paws with water.

Nell: They won’t like that.

Me: They don’t, but it helps. We can’t take them out at the moment, although Kev thinks we probably can this evening.

Nell: You do realise not taking them out and throwing a bucket of cold water over them is going to make them think they’ve done something wrong, don’t you?

Me: I hadn’t thought about that.

Nell: You’ve got some explaining to do.

Me: I told them I was just trying to help but I’m not sure they believed me.

Nell: I’m not surprised.

Me: It wasn’t a bucket of cold water, Nell. It was a gentle sponge down.

Nell: Same difference.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I see David is being a good boy and keeping out of the sun.

Me: Look at his dear little face. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He certainly seems to be enjoying himself.

Me: He’s having A Dave Day.

Nell: A Dave Day?

Me: Bacon sandwiches for breakfast followed by a quick chat about the England game with Kev and some quiet time with me in the armchair with the fan on.

Nell: I hope lunch is just a salad.

Me: Yes, it’s far too hot for anything else.

Nell: And dinner?

Me: Spaghetti Bolognese.

Nell: From the Bus Stop?

Me: No. Stanley is coming over here to make it. You can’t leave pasta at the Bus Stop in this heat.

Nell: You’re letting a seagull into your house?

Me: I know Stanley’s Stephen Seagull’s little brother but it’s not his fault and he’s not part of the Beefy gang.

Nell: As far as you know. He definitely has dealings with that rook.

Me: Sponge Finger is not invited, but Lionel is.

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: Apparently he was spotted staring out to sea with a matted mane so I took pity on him.

Nell: I’m glad.

Me: Also Henry and Horst asked me to invite him and Stanley too, come to think of it.

Nell: So, the Spaghetti Bolognese was their idea?

Me: It was. I didn’t know woodlice ate pasta.

Nell: I don’t think that was the reason.

Me: They have kind hearts.

Nell: It’s got nothing to do with kindness. They want to gain information.

Me: I’m not sure Stanley will give them his recipe.

Nell: Not about Bolognese. About the Grockle Attacks.

Me: It’s so hot I think I might have A Dave Day, too.

Nell: I’m not chatting about football.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Can you see Harriet’s grey chin?

Nell: Never mind that. Why are you posting photos of a cat?

Me: It’s Xav the Cat.

Nell: It’s still a cat.

Me: He’s Nigel’s best friend and cat brother.

Nell: Cat brother?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Cats are not family.

Me: What about The Cat?

Nell: The Cat is different. I’ve told you that before.

Me: It certainly is. It’s started using a parasol.

Nell: Sensible idea. You could do with one.

Me: With tassels.

Nell: Unnecessary and annoying.

Me: It can’t see where it’s going.

Nell: It’s still a good idea in this sunshine.

Me: It’s not for me, Nell. I’d rather wear a hat.

Nell: Fine.

Me: I’m not a fan of umbrellas either, truth be told.

Nell: You’re sounding Welsh again.

Me: Yes, I do that sometimes.

Nell: So, how are Henry and Horst?

Me: They’ve been in Zoom calls with Sally since they got home.

Nell: Interesting.

Me: There’s been no spaghetti bolognese at the Bus Stop for a while now so I’m wondering if they’re connected.

Nell: You think Henry and Horst are behind the spaghetti bolognese? You know it was Stanley Smoochy.

Me: I think there’s a lot of Lying Low going on.

Nell: Lying Low?

Me: Or Lion Low. See what I did there? That wretched lion hasn’t been seen in a while.

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: Who else?

Nell: I hope he’s not unwell.

Me: He’s probably off chasing tourists with the Beefies.

Nell: Don’t you think it might have been on the news? ‘Lion chases Grockles along Torquay seafront’.

Me: Why Torquay?

Nell: Why not?

Me: I used to love walking along Torquay seafront. The colourful lights were so pretty.

Nell: Can we get back to the Lying Low issue, please?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The good thing about our walk is most of it is in the shade.

Nell: It’s far too hot to go out until much later today.

Me: I know.

Nell: The Met Office has issued an extreme heat warning until Friday.

Me: Do you have a Met Office?

Nell: Don’t be silly. We have Weather Guardians.

Me: Have they issued a warning?

Nell: They give advice. If you have to go out, please make sure you put on sunscreen and wear a large-brimmed hat.

Me: Can I wear a floaty dress?

Nell: Acceptable, but not mandatory.

Me: Good to know.

Nell: Drink lots of water.

Me: I will.

Nell: Hydration is essential.

Me: I’ve filled all the water bowls.

Nell: Make sure to keep them topped-up.

Me: Do you remember when you, Alice and I went on a girls’ holiday to Devon in my open-top car?

Nell: I certainly do.

Me: We had the most fabulous weather and so much fun.

Nell: I went swimming in the sea.

Me: And barked at surfers.

Nell: They needed chivvying along.

Me: Surfers never need encouraging, Nell. They’re always running.

Nell: Anyway, as I recall it was all very enjoyable.

Me: Happy memories.

Nell: You know what they say.

Me: What’s that?

Nell: The next best thing to enjoying something is remembering how much you enjoyed it.

Me: True.

Nell: You’ll be making lots of new memories soon when Alice and the children arrive for their summer holiday.

Me: Yes, it’s not long now. Just over a month to go.

Nell: Happy times are ahead.

Me: They are.

Nell: But in the meantime you need to make sure everyone is safely hydrated and in the shade.

Me: I hope ice cream is allowed.

Nell: Yes, but not for breakfast.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Happy Sunday, Nell.

Nell: The same to you.

Me: Will you be singing later?

Nell: Yes. Sea shanties.

Me: Sea shanties?

Nell: Yes, and before you ask, we have the sea up here.

Me: Why sea shanties?

Nell: Poppy’s having a pirate day. She’s been walking around in a pirate hat and high boots since first thing this morning.

Me: Carrying a sword?

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Are you wearing a hat?

Nell: Of course.

Me: Feathered?

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: We had a wonderful walk yesterday.

Nell: I can see from the photos.

Me: Harriet’s feeling much better. She played Hide and Seek with the boys.

Nell: Did she win?

Me: Sort of. They knew where she was but they couldn’t see her until I called her.

Nell: She has excellent Recall.

Me: Which is more than can be said for Dave and Nigel. And you.

Nell: I like to go my own way.

Me: You’ll be glad to hear we’re having a Sunday roast today.

Nell: In this hot weather?

Me: You usually complain if we don’t have one.

Nell: What kind of roast?

Me: Roast pork with apple sauce and lots of vegetables.

Nell: Gravy?

Me: Always.

Nell: The Weather Guardians tell me it’s going to be quite the heatwave over the next few days.

Me: It is.

Nell: No walks until the evening.

Me: I know.

Nell: Hats must be worn and sunscreen.

Me: Do dogs need sunscreen?

Nell: Dogs need to keep out of the sun. I was talking about you.

Me: Just joking.

Nell: Make sure everyone drinks lots of cool, fresh water.

Me: I will.

Nell: Even the insects and smaller animals. Bird baths must be refilled and water bowls replenished regularly.

Me: Don’t worry.

Nell: It’s my job.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: How was the birthday party?

Me: A great success in the main. Lots of bacon and a whole roast chicken.

Nell: Was there cake?

Me: Of course. And party hats and dancing.

Nell: So, why did you say ‘in the main’ and why does everyone look so glum?

Me: Do they?

Nell: Yes. Especially Nigel.

Me: Maybe it’s because Charlotte’s gone away for the weekend?

Nell: David and Harriet look annoyed.

Me: Maybe it’s because their birthday is over?

Nell: And maybe it’s something to do with Nigel?

Me: Why do you say that?

Nell: He’s sitting in the yellow chair.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And he looks extremely guilty.

Me: Does he?

Nell: Yes, he does. Why?

Me: I’m sure he didn’t mean to eat more than his fair share of chicken.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: Or take a bite out of the cake before the Birthday Labs could.

Nell: Was it a large bite?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Shocking.

Me: Or open the whole parcel in Pass the Parcel.

Nell: The game where you hand the parcel around and every time the music stops stops someone opens a layer?

Me: Yes.

Nell: He opened the whole thing?

Me: Or eat the tasty treat that was inside the parcel.

Nell: Outrageous.

Me: I think he was just overexcited.

Nell: I’ve told Nigel time and again to ‘Calm down!’.

Me: You have.

Nell: And does he listen?

Me: Not really.

Nell: And now I’m not there he ruins the party.

Me: The party wasn’t ruined at all. We had tremendous fun. I made another parcel and there was still plenty of cake for everyone.

Nell: So why are they all looking so glum?

Me: Maybe it’s because Scotland lost to Morocco or they’re tired?

Nell: I’m tired now, too.

Me: Sorry.