Nell: You’re up early.
Me: I couldn’t sleep.
Nell: Thinking about me again?
Me: Yes. You would have been 14 today.
Nell: Age is irrelevant now but it’s still my birthday.
Me: 14th March will always be your birthday.
Nell: You’ll be pleased to hear Poppy has made me a cake.
Me: I am.
Nell: I expect you all to be eating cake later, too. Where’s your hat?
Me: I don’t feel like wearing one.
Nell: But it’s my birthday. We always wear hats.
Me: This birthday is different. It broke my heart choosing those photos. You were so beautiful.
Nell: I still am, thank you very much. At least Charlie thinks so.
Me: I’m so glad you’re with Charlie and Poppy and Mutley.
Nell: Yes, it helps.
Me: Are you missing me, too?
Nell: Of course I am. I’m missing all of you. But there’s no point in dwelling on it. This is where we are now.
Me: I wish we weren’t.
Nell: Well, we are.
Me: Do you remember the day we first met?
Nell: Of course. I chose you.
Me: You did.
Nell: I know you’re crying now and you need to stop.
Me: I can’t.
Nell: We need to find a pocketful of happiness, don’t we?
Me: I don’t know where.
Nell: We should be happy we found each other and had such a wonderful time together for so long.
Me: Not long enough.
Nell: Grief is a sign of how much someone was loved and much as it breaks my heart to see you like this it also warms my heart to know how much you loved me.
Me: I still do. Grief is love with nowhere to go.
Nell: I can still feel the love. I hope you can, too.
Me: I can. Sorry.
