Nell: There are too many Labradors in this house.
Me: I know you’re talking about Nigel. He’s going home today.
Nell: There’s such a thing as outstaying your welcome.
Me: Don’t be mean, Nell. You know Nigel’s suffering from unrequited love for Sally.
Nell: Well, she’s gone back to London now so he and David can mope around together.
Me: Why are you all in the living room, by the way?
Nell: We’re monitoring Mike.
Me: Mike the Polar Bear?
Nell: Do you know any other Mikes?
Me: I do, actually.
Nell: I meant around here?
Me: Why are you monitoring him?
Nell: To see if he’s listening, of course. Do keep up.
Me: How can you see if someone is listening?
Nell: I shall ignore that. We think he’s in league with the Stuffed Tiger.
Me: That’s nonsense.
Nell: You’ve got a blind spot when it comes to that tiger. It gets away with anything. Secretive, nosey animal.
Me: It’s stuffed.
Nell: Nigel hates it.
Me: Kev told me a funny thing. He and Nigel were walking past the pub and Nigel went crazy when he saw the two lions outside.
Nell: Was one of them Lionel King?
Me: No. The stone lions. Why did you think it was Lionel? Does he have a lion friend?
Nell: I don’t know who Lionel’s friends are but there are probably a few lions in the mix and they might go to the pub now and again.
Me: You know something.
Nell: I do not.
Me: Has Lionel King been in touch with you again?
Nell: It’s none of your business.
Me: Has he invited you to the pub?
Nell: He might have done.
Me: You’re the one with the blind spot, Nell.
Nell: I am not.
Me: Lionel is trouble. Sorry.
