Me: I have the feeling I might have done something wrong.
Nell: What led you to that conclusion, Sherlock Martin?
Me: You seem thoroughly fed up and Harriet won’t even look at me.
Nell: Well spotted.
Me: What have I done?
Nell: Let’s start with Julian, shall we?
Me: Julian the Christmas tree?
Nell: Did you think we wouldn’t notice he’s gone?
Me: He had to go. Christmas is over.
Nell: You and Kev took off all his finery and dragged him outside.
Me: I know we did.
Nell: And now I hear he’s going to be fed to the goats.
Me: Goats love a good Christmas tree.
Nell: This is not the way to treat a friend.
Me: There’ll be another Julian next Christmas.
Nell: I can’t believe you just said that. There will never be another Julian.
Me: Fine. What else have I done?
Nell: You weren’t content with throwing Julian out, were you?
Me: Wasn’t I?
Nell: No. Where are our favourite dog beds?
Me: You mean the old tatty ones?
Nell: Tatty?
Me: They had holes in them and they’d lost their bounce.
Nell: We all lose our bounce when we get older.
Me: They had to go, Nell. I got you new ones.
Nell: The new ones are not the same.
Me: No. They’re softer and thicker.
Nell: And smaller.
Me: They’re a little smaller than I’d hoped.
Nell: We barely fit into them.
Me: You have a choice of lovely beds now. Here and in the kitchen. Some are smaller than others but they’re all very comfortable.
Nell: You sound like one of those sales people on the shopping channel.
Me: When do you watch the shopping channel?
Nell: At night with Harriet when we can’t sleep in our tiny little beds.
Me: Sorry.
