Me: It’s lucky we went on our river walk when we did.

Nell: Why?

Me: There’s a raging storm out there today. Tornados and everything.

Nell: There hasn’t been a tornado. Stop exaggerating.

Me: Not here, maybe, but in other parts of Devon and the UK. Trees have fallen down and there’s been a lot of damage.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: I hope Beauregard, Mrs King and Roary are safe in the Tree House.

Nell: They’re fine. Lionel asked me to check on them earlier.

Me: Lionel did?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Has that lion been visiting you here again?

Nell: No, he would have checked on them himself if he’d been here. He’s on the island. He texted me on WoofsApp.

Me: You shouldn’t be texting with him at all.

Nell: And you should mind your own business.

Me: Harriet’s becoming wilful too. Kev told her not to go in the river and she did. Twice.

Nell: She stayed near the edge.

Me: At least she was sorry. You’re not sorry about texting with that lion at all.

Nell: Kindly stop interfering in my life.

Me: Is he still trying to persuade you to go to the Fancy Dress Ball this evening at The Cat’s?

Nell: He is very sad that I won’t be there.

Me: You must do as you wish. If you want to go then go.

Nell: I’m staying here with you and Kev and so is Rupert.

Me: Knitwear Wolf isn’t going to the ball?

Nell: He’s not Cinderella and it’s not really his thing.

Me: No.

Nell: He would have gone, however, if I’d asked him to go.

Me: Would he now?

Nell: Yes. He said, ‘Wherever you are, dearest Nelly, there I will be.’

Me: Dearest Nelly?

Nell: Stop smiling like that.

Me: Sorry.

Me: That’s a magical photo of Kingsbridge, isn’t it? A photographer called Chris Iversen took it and I thought it was too beautiful not to share.

Nell: The light is lovely and it’s so quiet.

Me: It always is after the shops close, especially in winter.

Nell: It’s a magical photo of Harriet, too.

Me: I took that one.

Nell: I didn’t think it was Chris Iversen.

Me: The Mayor of Kingsbridge was too tired to pose.

Nell: David’s been busy rehearsing.

Me: Why?

Nell: The Cat wants him to sing at the Fancy Dress Ball tomorrow night.

Me: So, it’s a ball now, is it?

Nell: Yes. It’s all got quite out of paw. Is a bouncy castle really necessary?

Me: The llamas love it.

Nell: And does The Cat really need jugglers when Manuel’s around?

Me: Just because he’s an octopus doesn’t mean he can juggle.

Nell: Have you seen him toss a pancake?

Me: True.

Nell: The Whippets Institute Big Band are playing and the Welsh Corgi Choir will be singing everyone into the New Year in kilts.

Me: Are you sure you don’t want to go?

Nell: No, a nice cup of tea with you by the fire will do.

Me: If you change your mind it’s fine with me.

Nell: I won’t. No matter how many times Lionel asks me.

Me: You’re not going with that lion.

Nell: I just said I wasn’t, didn’t I?

Me: I’m not sure the Welsh Corgi Choir should be wearing kilts. They’re not Scottish

Nell: You can have kilts in Wales.

Me: It should be tall black hats and woollen shawls.

Nell: They’ll be wearing shawls. Rupert will make sure of that.

Me: Dear Knitwear Wolf. So handsome and kind.

Nell: Stop matchmaking and drink your tea.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: That’s not your best face.

Me: It was cold and wild in the activity field.

Nell: I didn’t see you going wild.

Me: I prefer to stroll along with you. Kev does the wild thing with the puppies.

Nell: David and Harriet will be 7 next year which means they’re nearly middle-aged.

Me: Dave’s always a puppy to me. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He has a greying chin.

Me: I don’t want to think about that. It was nice to see you smiling.

Nell: I always feel better after my arthritis injection.

Me: Kev says you’ve put on a tiny bit of weight.

Nell: It’s Christmas. Everyone puts on weight and one does not discuss a lady’s weight in public, by the way.

Me: It’s just us.

Nell: It is not and you know it.

Me: Well, I think you’re perfect.

Nell: Thank you. Now, what are we going to do about New Year’s Eve? Party, or no party?

Me: Personally, I’d rather have a quiet evening. It’s been a hell of a year and I just want it to be over.

Nell: I agree. How about a nice comfortable family time in front of the fire?

Me: Lovely.

Nell: David might want to sing and there’s always a chance of Gladys performing an interpretive dance, but hopefully not.

Me: No llamas cartwheeling?

Nell: Definitely not. They’ve been invited to the Big House Bash.

Me: More Cat Cocktails?

Nell: No. The Cat is hosting a fancy dress party.

Me: You must go if you want to, Nell. I will be fine here with Kev.

Nell: We’ve been through this difficult year together and we’re going to say goodbye to it together, too.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: No need for thanks. You and me. Always.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: It’s a bit of a windy Thursday today, isn’t it?

Nell: I told David not to eat those Brussel sprouts.

Me: No. Outside.

Nell: I see. Yes. The llamas couldn’t keep their hats on during Gliding with Gladys. Although, top hats are not suitable attire for gliding in any kind of weather, if you ask me.

Me: I have to agree. Why are the puppies begging for food? Didn’t they have any breakfast?

Nell: They’re not begging. They’re showing Interest and Concern.

Me: If you say so.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann wanted volunteers to try his cheese straws.

Me: Did he really?

Nell: That’s what they told me.

Me: I’m surprised you’re not there with them.

Nell: I’ve already tried some. The Cat and I had a couple with our cocktails on Boxing Day.

Me: Cocktails?

Nell: It’s the American way.

Me: I know, but we’re in Devon.

Nell: Bumper is from the US and so is Babycakes Gillespie.

Me: Were they invited?

Nell: No. It was mainly cats, large and small.

Me: You went to Cat Cocktails?

Nell: Lionel asked me.

Me: You have to be joking.

Nell: I am not. Lionel is a friend.

Me: He is a bad animal. I don’t know what The Cat was thinking.

Nell: Cat Cocktails is a tradition at Christmas and The Cat always hosts it. Beauregard and Mrs King were there.

Me: They can’t have been pleased to see Lionel.

Nell: They see him all the time when he comes to visit Roary. Do keep up.

Me: Was it a stylish affair?

Nell: Nobody is having an affair.

Me: I meant the Cat Cocktails.

Nell: The Cat insisted on Santa hats this year for some reason.

Me: Christmas Cat Cocktails with Santa Claws. Whatever next?

Nell: Stop being silly.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Are you ignoring me?

Nell: What are you doing down here? It’s still early and a storm is raging outside.

Me: Davey’s posing for his Christmas photo.

Nell: Christmas is over and stop calling him Davey.

Me: It isn’t over until the New Year.

Nell: Can’t he pose later? Some of us are resting.

Me: The storm woke me and I could either lie there listening to it, or go and cuddle you dogs.

Nell: Do we get a say in the matter?

Me: Dave was delighted to see me. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: David is naturally affectionate.

Me: You get me out of bed when it suits you.

Nell: That’s different.

Me: Why?

Nell: It just is.

Me: Anyway, I wanted you to know that the house is now online.

Nell: What house?

Me: Our house. It’s on Rightmove.

Nell: I don’t want to move.

Me: Nobody does, but Kev says we need to see it as an adventure.

Nell: Yes. He’s absolutely right. I need to stop being so negative and embrace the change.

Me: You wouldn’t have reacted like that if I’d suggested it.

Nell: An adventure is exactly what it is.

Me: You listen to Kev.

Nell: I’d love a cup of Earl Grey if you’re making a pot?

Me: You’re ignoring what I just said.

Nell: And maybe a slice of lightly buttered toast and a boiled egg?

Me: Well, I’m going to ignore you and go and eat my breakfast with Davey in the kitchen.

Nell: His name is David.

Me: Now, you’re listening.

Nell: And he’s already had breakfast.

Me: Don’t look at me like that.

Nell: Like what?

Me: Like a sorrowful animal. Fine, I’ll bring you your tea and toast.

Nell: And the boiled egg?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Do you want to talk about last night?

Nell: Not really.

Me: And why I’m late posting this today?

Nell: It is what it is.

Me: Not even about how a quiet game of Monopoly turned into a wild evening of dancing and singing?

Nell: Talk to Naughty Nigel. He’s the one who started it.

Me: Or how you overindulged on champagne and turkey sandwiches last thing at night and woke me at 3am and 5am.

Nell: I needed some fresh air.

Me: I’m only teasing you. We all had a lovely time.

Nell: David fell asleep under a pile of cushions.

Me: We could have done without the Beefy chorus.

Nell: They were supposed to be carol singers. Stephen Seagull organised it for Miss Penny Lane.

Me: I might be wrong here, but I think Penny has softened her attitude towards him.

Nell: Yes, they were certainly chatting away at dinner.

Me: It was good to see John the Doberman, if only for a short time.

Nell: He feels the loss of Poppy acutely.

Me: He does.

Nell: She was impressed with how well it all went, by the way.

Me: Good. I thought Herr Hoffmann did an excellent job.

Nell: He’s having a quiet day today.

Me: I think we all are, to be honest.

Nell: Charlotte and Scarlett enjoyed themselves too.

Me: Yes. It was a proper family time and just what we needed.

Nell: I’m sure Alex was smiling when she saw you celebrating.

Me: I’d like to think she was. I hope she realised how much she was in our thoughts.

Nell: That’s all our Guardians want, you know.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: To be remembered and for us to be happy. No need to justify a lovely day.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Merry Christmas everyone! Although you and Dave don’t look particularly merry. What’s happened?

Nell: You’d better ask David.

Me: He is looking a little bit guilty.

Nell: There were crumbs in his bed.

Me: Biscuits are awfully crumbly. And so is toast.

Nell: Sausage roll crumbs.

Me: I’m not sure you can be that specific.

Nell: When the sausage rolls went into the refrigerator last night they were in a big bowl ready for today.

Me: I remember.

Nell: And now there are only a few in a small bowl.

Me: I expect Father Christmas was hungry.

Nell: Only if he turned himself into a giant Labrador.

Me: Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Nell: You’re missing the point.

Me: Mistakes happen.

Nell: David transferred them to a small bowl thinking we wouldn’t notice.

Me: That’s actually quite a clever idea.

Nell: Poppy is annoyed. She saw David do it.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: She told us backup sausage rolls are essential with David around. It’s the same with gravy.

Me: So, she’s not cross with him?

Nell: She says he was only being himself.

Me: We might need backup Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes.

Nell: Why can’t that animal exercise a little self control?

Me: Because he wouldn’t be Dave if he did. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Where’s Harriet?

Nell: In the kitchen with Herr Hoffmann making a new batch of sausage rolls.

Me: She’s always got her brother’s back.

Nell: Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without some mistakes, I suppose.

Me: I keep remembering last Christmas when we were together.

Nell: We’ve invited John the Doberman to dinner. We knew he would be missing Poppy. And Charlotte and Scarlett are joining us later.

Me: Alex should be here.

Nell: She is. You just can’t see her.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What’s Harriet doing on the stairs in a Santa hat?

Nell: Waiting for Christmas.

Me: She hasn’t long to wait now.

Nell: In some countries they celebrate Christmas today.

Me: Yes, they do in Germany.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann is boiling a ham for dinner tonight and is serving it with different pickles and salads.

Me: Lovely.

Nell: David says some of the pickles are a little sharp so we need to use them sparingly.

Me: We always celebrate the German and the English Christmas and open a few presents on Christmas Eve.

Nell: That’s presuming you have more than one.

Me: The Royal Family celebrate on Christmas Eve too.

Nell: I know. The Queen and I used to wish each other a Happy Christmas.

Me: You telephoned with The Queen?

Nell: Of course not.

Me: I thought it was unlikely.

Nell: We exchanged texts in our WoofsApp group.

Me: You had a WoofsApp group with The Queen?

Nell: We were friends.

Me: I suppose you were.

Nell: I rarely hear from Charles nowadays, but then he’s awfully busy.

Me: King Charles III?

Nell: I promised his mother I would keep an eye on him.

Me: I see.

Nell: Talking of keeping an eye on things, Poppy has a very long list today.

Me: I bet she has.

Nell: Top of the list is collecting the turkey.

Me: The butcher is delivering it, Nell. I thought it would be easier as the queues can be so long.

Nell: Well, he’d better get it here soon.

Me: It’s not even 8am. Oh, I just had a memory of collecting the turkey with my mother and sisters and the excitement of it all.

Nell: This is bound to be an emotional time for you.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: No sorries. Not today.

Me: I’ll never get tired of seeing Tony and Dave together.

Nell: David needs to show a little restraint.

Me: Not with Tony.

Nell: He throws himself at everyone.

Me: I know. He’s such an affectionate Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Some people struggle with that much affection from a giant Labrador.

Me: They do at first and then they realise what a great big bundle of love he is and cuddle him back.

Nell: I still think he needs to introduce himself before leaping on them.

Me: He can’t help it, Nell. It’s in his nature.

Nell: Moving on, have you got everything you need for Christmas?

Me: I hope so. It’s just a quiet one this year.

Nell: Poppy still wants things done properly even if she can’t do them.

Me: I miss her so much.

Nell: We all do.

Me: And as for my sister Alex, I can’t believe she won’t be here.

Nell: I know.

Me: I hope she knows how much we loved her and always will.

Nell: She does.

Me: How is Herr Hoffmann coping in the kitchen? It’s an awful lot of work for an elderly bear.

Nell: Poppy has organised a whole army of helpers.

Me; How did she do that?

Nell: By giving me lists. Haven’t you been listening to me at all over the past few weeks?

Me: I knew there were lists but I didn’t know about the helpers.

Nell: Malcolm and Manuel are taking on most of the work with David as chief taster and occasional baker.

Me: As what?

Nell: You heard me. David has an excellent palate.

Me: He eats anything.

Nell: True. But he knows what he likes.

Me: And what’s an occasional baker?

Nell: As and when needed. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Can I have a word with you, please?

Nell: What I like about the activity field is that everyone can move at their own pace.

Me: I don’t want to talk about the activity field right now.

Nell: Dave and Harriet can dash around and I can take my time and even sit and ponder if I so wish.

Me: I want to talk about you barking at 5am.

Nell: There’s plenty of room for everyone.

Me: I’m forced out of my warm bed and all you want is attention.

Nell: Kev can think his thoughts as he walks around.

Me: I thought there was something wrong. I was worried about you.

Nell: And because so many dogs use the field the sniffari is quite wonderful.

Me: I know you’re ignoring me on purpose.

Nell: And the lady who runs the field is absolutely delightful.

Me: You’ve never met her.

Nell: No, but you have and you’ve told me she’s very kind.

Me: You were listening to me then, were you?

Nell: I’m always listening.

Me: Not when it’s something you don’t want to hear.

Nell: What’s your opinion on eggless custard?

Me: It’s the taste of my childhood. Why?

Nell: Kev can’t have eggs so Herr Hoffmann is thinking of using it for the trifle.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: I thought so.

Me: I’m posting the link to the Christmas Special later today.

Nell: Good.

Me: I’m hoping to share it across the various groups but if not, it will definitely be on the Conversations with Nell page on Facebook.

Nell: And on your website http://www.conversationswithnell.org.

Me: I always worry about the technical side of these things as it’s an audio file.

Nell: Stop worrying.

Me: Stop barking.

Nell: Let’s just enjoy the Christmas Special.

Me: Yes. Sorry.