Me: Is that Dave in goal?

Nell: Of course it is. How many other labradors are training with England?

Me: Maybe he should become a goalie.

Nell: Let’s see what he’s like when he gets home. Gareth says he shows a lot of promise. I suppose Kingsbridge Canines might have an opening. I’ll talk to their manager.

Me: He’s certainly giving it his all.

Nell: Yes. Hopefully he won’t be distracted.

Me: Why? What’s happened?

Nell: The Cat is flying to Russia.

Me: No.

Nell: Yes, apparently it was pining for David so Mutley persuaded Poppy to let it accompany him tomorrow. She is too busy baking bread to be bothered and says she could do with the money.

Me: I thought she was making scones?

Nell: Those are ready but David has requested Poppy’s bread for his egg sandwiches. He says Russian bread is a little heavy and I must say I have to agree.

Me: I didn’t know you had been to Russia.

Nell: Yes. Vladimir insisted I join him last year at his holiday home in Vyborg Bay.

Me: Vladimir Putin?

Nell: Of course. Do keep up. Strange place. The swimming pool was covered in gold tiles. I told him it was a little too ostentatious for my taste and he laughed. He and The Cat would get on rather well.

Me: I’m beginning to think you should go into politics.

Nell: Don’t you think I have enough to do running this family without trying to run a country? Good grief. Theresa May has me on speed dial but there are only so many hours in a day.

Me: Yes, sorry.

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