Never whisper in a tiger’s ear

Nell: David is deeply concerned about Harriet.

Me: Why?

Nell: She’s become over attached to Beauregard and waits for him every morning.

Me: That’s because they’re dancing together. It’ll stop after the final tomorrow.

Nell: Jim the Farm Dog doesn’t like it at all.

Me: If Jim is worried he can always have a quick word in Beauregard’s ear.

Nell: Tigers don’t like anyone whispering in their ears.

Me: Really?

Nell: It’s a well known fact. Never whisper in a tiger’s ear. It will end in disaster.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Many an animal has regretted it deeply.

Me: I expect they have.

Nell: Although Oliver could probably whisper in his ear if necessary and Henry and Horst do it all the time.

Me: Maybe they could tell him about Harriet.

Nell: No. Best let sleeping tigers lie.

Me: You’d better warn Dave too.

Nell: I will. He’s very protective of his sister you know.

Me: Bless him. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He doesn’t want her visiting The Queen with me alone.

Me: Why ever not?

Nell: He thinks we need escorting and he is just the Labrador for the job.

Me: He’s absolutely right. The Queen would love him and he would look so handsome in a top hat.

Nell: Yes, but can he be trusted? We are talking about afternoon tea here. Finger sandwiches, scones and tiny little cakes with the royal coat of arms iced on the top of them.

Me: You don’t know that. They might not have anything iced on the top of them at all.

Nell: That’s not the point. The mistakes that could be made are endless.

Me: And will The Queen want three Labradors to tea when she’s only expecting one?

Nell: You can never have enough Labradors.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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