Nell: How is everything in Buckinghamshire?
Me: I’m afraid there’s been another incident.
Nell: Don’t tell me. Naughty Nigel stole something.
Me: Well, somebody stole a lime from the fruit bowl.
Nell: That’s a silly thing to steal. Limes are sour and belong in a cocktail.
Me: Or a delicious key lime pie.
Nell: Anyway, did you find the culprit?
Me: We interviewed Naughty Nigel and Cousin Boo.
Nell: Boo is a black Labrador so he won’t have done it.
Me: Are you forgetting Dave?
Nell: David does things by mistake.
Me: They both denied it but then we found Nigel in the living room lying next to the lime
Nell: I knew it.
Me: He still denied it.
Nell: He would.
Me: Things were looking bad for Naughty Nigel when we heard laughing.
Me: It was more of a snigger, actually.
Nell: I don’t approve of sniggering. If you want to laugh do it openly, not secretly behind your paw.
Me: We looked to see who was sniggering and found Xav stretched out behind Nigel with a satisfied smile on his face.
Me: Scarlett’s cat.
Nell: The cat did it. How many times have we Labradors told you this? We dogs are innocent. It is always the cat.
Me: I know you say that, Nell, but sometimes it isn’t.
Nell: Well, I hope someone had a strong word with that animal.
Me: Boo tried reasoning but Xav didn’t care and Nigel tried giving him a hard stare but it didn’t work.
Nell: They need Poppy.
Me: I don’t think threatening someone with a sword is a good idea, Nell.
Nell: I’m not talking about swords. Poppy is mistress of the Hard Stare. It’s terrifying.
Me: I still don’t think it would work on Xav. Sorry.