Second in Command

Me: Have you seen Dave’s hat? I don’t know why he’s wearing it but he looks magnificent.

Nell: I have seen it, thank you. Poppy gave it to him as her second in command.

Me: In command of what?

Nell: Have you seen Poppy’s hat?

Me: No.

Nell: Well, you might want to do that now. She’s upstairs.

Me: This is exciting.

Nell: Just go and report back to me in the living room. I shall be watching Saturday Kitchen.

Me: I’m going now.

Nell: I don’t need a running commentary, thank you. Just look and leave. Don’t engage in conversation.

Me: I’m back. Poppy looks awfully sweet and a tiny bit fierce.

Nell: And what else?

Me: She’s dressed as a pirate.

Nell: I’m glad you noticed.

Me: Should we be worried?

Nell: Possibly, although a Little Concerned will do for now.

Me: I didn’t notice the cutlass.

Nell: It was there, believe me. She’s taken to hiding it under her fur.

Me: Do you think pirateyness can be catching?

Nell: There is no such word and no, I don’t.

Me: It’s just that Dave has a distinct whiff of the pirate about him today too.

Nell: David has a distinct whiff of bacon about him.

Me: It’s Saturday, Nell. Bacon sandwiches all round. Dave’s looking ever so grand, don’t you think?

Nell: David takes any role he is given very seriously.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Captain of a ship.

Nell: What ship?

Me: There has to be a ship. You can’t be a pirate without one.

Nell: If there is a ship, and I’m sincerely hoping there isn’t, Poppy will be the captain.

Me: Of course. Do you know why pirates are called pirates?

Nell: I do not.

Me: Because they arrrr.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Sorry.

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