A Wet Walk

Nell: That was one of the wettest walks we’ve ever had.

Me: At least Dave was able to run off the lead. Bless him.

Nell: Yes, ears flapping as usual.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. What were he and Harriet watching so intently?

Nell: The swans.

Me: You’ve got to be very careful with swans. They can turn nasty.

Nell: Yes. Swans have a side to them. It’s the royal connection, of course.

Me: What royal connection?

Nell: They all belong to The Queen. Do keep up.

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: As I said to The Queen the last time we discussed swans, ‘That is no reason to give yourself airs and graces. I know a Parson Russell Terrier who belongs to an award winning chef but it can’t even boil an egg.’

Me: What did The Queen say?

Nell: Suffice it to say Her Majesty is aware.

Me: It still doesn’t explain why Dave and Harriet were watching them.

Nell: We have reason to believe the swans may be in league with The Beefies.

Me: How strange?

Nell: I agree. One doesn’t expect a royal swan to engage with a rough Beefy.

Me: Maybe it’s to do with fish? Perhaps the swans fancy a nice bit of mackerel?

Nell: Swans don’t eat mackerel. They prefer aquatic vegetation. They will eat small fish and even frogs but they are quite happy grazing on grass.

Me: I never knew that. I wonder what it is. Do you think it’s worth asking Terry?

Nell: Terry is far too busy. Book a Beefy are run off their claws with all the visitors.

Me: Maybe they’re going to introduce a new luxury service ‘Secure a Swan’.

Nell: Secure a Swan? That sounds more like kidnapping. They belong to The Queen.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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