What the World Needs Now

Nell: Do you know what the world needs right now?

Me: Love sweet love?

Nell: That and Tony the Postman.

Me: Tony always makes things better.

Nell: I agree. His visits are certainly a highlight of the day.

Me: Dave missed him terribly over the weekend.

Nell: David and Tony are kindred spirits.

Me: Like you and I.

Nell: Have you read today’s Ask Dave in the Daily Growl?

Me: Not yet.

Nell: All I can say is that David is definitely not writing this.

Me: How do you know?

Nell: Listen. Depressed Dachshund from Dartmouth writes: ‘Dear Dave, I can’t seem to summon up enthusiasm for anything at the moment.’

Me: I know how they feel.

Nell: ‘All I do is lie on the sofa in tatty old track suit bottoms and an over large t-shirt, binge watching old movies and eating ice cream. Please help.’

Me: Sounds rather appealing to me. What does Dave suggest?

Nell: ‘Dear Depressed Dachshund, tatty will simply not do. Stop slouching around, Sweetie, and get the glitter back into your life.’

Me: Sweetie?

Nell: Exactly. Shall I read on?

Me: Yes, please.

Nell: ‘Ditch the track suit and put on your heels. Turn the music up and start dancing.’

Me: Dave does enjoy dancing.

Nell: In a top hat, not heels.

Me: True.

Nell: There’s more. ‘In my experience, there is nothing that won’t benefit from a few sequins and a feather boa.’

Me: It’s definitely The Cat.

Nell: I agree. It has The Cat written all over it. But maybe it doesn’t matter who’s written it, if it helps.

Me: Shall I turn the music up, then?

Nell: Yes. Why not?

Me: I’ll get your feather boa and heels.

Nell: Labradors don’t wear heels. We’re not dachshunds.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

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