Nell: Do you know what the world needs right now?
Me: Love sweet love?
Nell: That and Tony the Postman.
Me: Tony always makes things better.
Nell: I agree. His visits are certainly a highlight of the day.
Me: Dave missed him terribly over the weekend.
Nell: David and Tony are kindred spirits.
Me: Like you and I.
Nell: Have you read today’s Ask Dave in the Daily Growl?
Me: Not yet.
Nell: All I can say is that David is definitely not writing this.
Me: How do you know?
Nell: Listen. Depressed Dachshund from Dartmouth writes: ‘Dear Dave, I can’t seem to summon up enthusiasm for anything at the moment.’
Me: I know how they feel.
Nell: ‘All I do is lie on the sofa in tatty old track suit bottoms and an over large t-shirt, binge watching old movies and eating ice cream. Please help.’
Me: Sounds rather appealing to me. What does Dave suggest?
Nell: ‘Dear Depressed Dachshund, tatty will simply not do. Stop slouching around, Sweetie, and get the glitter back into your life.’
Nell: Exactly. Shall I read on?
Me: Yes, please.
Nell: ‘Ditch the track suit and put on your heels. Turn the music up and start dancing.’
Me: Dave does enjoy dancing.
Nell: In a top hat, not heels.
Nell: There’s more. ‘In my experience, there is nothing that won’t benefit from a few sequins and a feather boa.’
Me: It’s definitely The Cat.
Nell: I agree. It has The Cat written all over it. But maybe it doesn’t matter who’s written it, if it helps.
Me: Shall I turn the music up, then?
Nell: Yes. Why not?
Me: I’ll get your feather boa and heels.
Nell: Labradors don’t wear heels. We’re not dachshunds.
Me: Of course. Sorry.