Nell: What is the matter with you?
Me: I’m a bit tired.
Nell: I know. You hardly slept.
Me: The publishers contacted me last night about a problem they are having and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Nell: What problem?
Me: It’s about you.
Me: Yes. How do we explain the ‘Youness of You’ to people who have never heard of you?
Nell: ‘The Youness of You’?
Me: Not me. You. ‘The Nellness of Nell’ and the world we live in.
Nell: You obviously need a cup of Earl Grey and a scone. You are not making any sense whatsoever.
Me: And then there’s that part where they say: ‘If you have enjoyed reading (insert book title) then you will definitely enjoy reading ‘Conversations with Nell’.’
Nell: Insert book title?
Me: Exactly. Which books are like ours? I just keep thinking of Maggie Smith in ‘Downton Abbey’ or Lady Bracknell from ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’ and her handbag.
Nell: You are rambling again. Where is my handbag? Gladys is going to have to start sleeping in a bed.
Me: The trouble is that you are unique. You all are.
Nell: I grant you that ours is not a conventional family. Poppy’s cooking skills are exceptional and as for David. Where do I begin?
Me: It’s not just about talking to a Labrador. It’s about talking to you.
Nell: I am extremely gratified that it is all about me, even when we both know it isn’t, but all I can say is that it will come to you. It always does.
Me: Not this time.
Nell: Maybe our friends will have a few ideas.
Me: I just want everyone to know how wonderful you are.
Nell: We both are. You and me. Always. Remember?
Me: Yes. Sorry.