Nell: I need you to listen very carefully and to keep an open mind.
Me: Why? You’re making me nervous.
Nell: Now, I know the house is fairly full.
Me: It’s completely full, Nell.
Nell: But as they say ‘There’s always room for a little one.’
Me: Is Gladys coming home then?
Nell: Yes, but in this case I wasn’t actually referring to Gladys.
Me: Who’s the little one?
Me: He’s an alpaca, Nell. There’s nothing little about him.
Nell: I am aware of that but the nice man at the Ecuadorian Embassy says they need him to have a place of residency.
Me: What nice man?
Nell: He took a while to understand but when I said we would sign the forms he was happy to send them.
Nell: We all discussed it at Morning Thoughts and everyone is in complete agreement.
Me: They are?
Nell: This is the only way to get Gladys to come home. She’s not leaving Alejandro.
Me: It’s classic Stockholm syndrome. She’s fallen in love with her kidnapper.
Nell: He’s not a real kidnapper. The Beefies forced him into it. Gladys says he’s been wonderful to her.
Me: She would.
Nell: I think you will find him charming. His English is poor but he has a sweet smile.
Me: Does he spit?
Nell: No. He’s not a llama. Llamas are bigger with banana shaped ears. His are straight.
Me: Well, that’s a relief.
Nell: The Beefies will think they have a spy in our camp.
Me: Maybe they do.
Nell: Nonsense. Poppy and Malcolm are preparing an Ecuadorian feast. Langoustines and chicken. I drew the line at tripe.
Me: He’ll probably be happy with grass.
Nell: Poppy would never serve grass to a guest. You know that.
Me: Yes. Sorry.